By Lindsay Dreyer
May 26, 2016 @ 11:30 am
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Fact: Dating can really suck — especially when you’re looking for your soulmate online. Sure, you both swiped right and there’s a 90 percent compatibility rate based on the questionnaire you spent three hours filling out, but when you finally meet up IRL, the reality hits: you have absolutely no idea who the person sitting across from you is. That’s why the first message is sooo crucial. Should you make the first move? Should you wait for him to reach out? Should you bother responding to a generic “what’s up” message? The answers may surprise you…

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According to the dating app PlentyOfFish, which surveyed 1,100 former users who met their spouses on the site, 35 percent of married women actually contacted their partner first. So, yes, ladies, it’s OK to make the first move. It’s 2016, after all. The survey also concluded that it’s best to mention something specific from the user’s profile — not only will that get the convo going, but it’ll also help you stand out among the sea of “hey there” messages.

Two years ago Desiree sent a message to a man on PlentyOfFish. Today that man is her husband! Congrats! #pofsuccess

A photo posted by (@plentyoffish_official) on

That said, if you receive a generic message like “hey” or “what’s up,” there’s an automatic temptation to press delete — but maybe give the person a chance. According to POF, “what’s up” was the second most common first message that led to marriage. They encourage users not to write them off until you’ve messaged each other at least two or three times.

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Oh, and 1 in 5 married men say they fell in love at first sight. Kinda makes a case for getting off your couch and grabbing a drink with the hottie you’ve been chatting up, doesn’t it?