First came Gwyneth Paltrow’s GOOP, then Preserve from Blake Lively. Last spring saw the launch of Reese Witherspoon’s Draper James, and now we have Covetton House by Stephen Colbert! The Late Show host launched his own fake celebrity lifestyle brand on Thursday, as a wink to actual items you can buy on other stars' websites, like an $85 set of four napkins or a $95 wooden crate. “It’s now possible for everyone to achieve the exact same, one-of-a-kind curated lifestyle by buying it from a celebrity,” he pointed out before cutting to a commercial for his new venture.
The ad starts out with him sitting on a chesterfield sofa in the middle of a meadow, surrounded by pillows emblazoned with the Covetton House logo—a polo-playing centaur—and sipping from a steaming mug of parmesan absinthe. “As a celebrity, my life is filled with luxury items, hand-selected jewelry, and the illusion of free time,” he says. “If you’re like me, and I am, you’re a unique individual who wants to be just like Stephen Colbert, and that means more than just looking like the Great Gatsby threw up on you.”
Described as a combination of “classic Southern living, the breezy charm of the English countryside, and whatever they had leftover at the prop warehouse,” Covetton House offers merch like one suede coaster for $175, a handcrafted oak tie stand that was “painstakingly carved out of locally sourced hat stands,” and an $895 premium bison wallet. “It’s not made of bison,” Colbert notes. “A bison made it.”
Our favorite piece is a one-of-a-kind antique designer sofa, “lovingly reclaimed from an artisanal curb in Brooklyn.” It’s decorated with “original hand-lettered folk art,” aka a cardboard sign duct-taped to the side that reads, “Don’t take. Bed bugs!!!” Click the video above to watch the whole brilliant parody.