By Laura Norkin
Sep 21, 2018 @ 4:00 pm

“It’s a wonderful thing, and it’s a weird thing, and it’s a scary thing,” says Southern Charm’s Cameran Eubanks in a new video about motherhood for InStyle. And that’s nice and all, but just before that, the mom to 9-month-old baby Palmer dropped 10 revelations that I thought were covered in the motherhood bylaws as topics never to be spoken about aloud.

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Eubanks says she was unprepared for the level of exhaustion she experienced after giving birth, which I'm pretty sure someone would have warned her about. She was also surprised by the fact that her boobs leaked milk when any baby cried nearby: the icing on the poop cake of that delirious, first post-birth outing. (By the way, “Your kid’s gonna eat poop,” according to Eubanks.) For each of those “yeah, we know” confessions, she shares a revelation that, as a mom, I feel breaks the code of stoic martyrdom to which we have all consigned. Like, for example, since when are we allowed to talk about the fact that half of us are walking around with used teabags for tits now? “It is just teabag city,” Eubanks says, telling on pretty much anyone who’s ever breastfed. “It is so sad: You are left with these deflated, just, ugh.”

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She also blows the lid off of the real reason moms are so excited about other women’s pregnancy announcements: “They just want you to be miserable with them,” she says, literally sneering into the camera at anyone who dared squeal “OMG, yay!” at the news of an impending baby. Then she pauses for a second, and considers her daughter Palmer before conceding, “I wouldn’t give her back.”

Watch the video above for her full countdown; the weird, superhuman power that motherhood has given her; and which aspect of Kate Middleton’s birth story she calls “a crock of shit.” (It has to do with diapers. The adult kind.)