Billie Lourd is opening up about the heartbreak of losing “goddesses” Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds.
The American Horror Story: Cult actress spoke to Ellen DeGeneres about the hardships of adjusting to life without her mom and grandmother.
“It’s completely surreal,” Lourd, 25, said of losing her family members within one day of each other last December. “There’s no way to really explain it — it’s so hard to talk about. If I say I’m doing good, I’m too happy. If I say I’m not doing good, then I’m a mess. So it’s really hard to know what to say about it because it’s so surreal and impossible to deal with.”
The actress also talked about the special experience she had with her mom filming Star Wars: The Force Awakens, which was her first acting job.
“I’m a big believer of things happening for a reason and I think I ended up on that movie for a reason,” Lourd said. “It was really incredible for us to get to have that experience together.”
VIDEO: Billie Lourd Opens Up About Life After Loss of Carrie Fisher & Debbie Reynolds: "Now I Get to Be Just Billie"
Lourd said director J.J. Abrams asked her to audition for the lead role before Daisy Ridley was cast. The director then gave her a smaller part and Lourd immediately fit right in, which was a pleasant surprise to her mother.
“I came home [from set] and my mom said to me, ‘You know, this is really weird that you’re comfortable here,’ ” Lourd recalled. ” ‘This is one of the most uncomfortable environments in the world. If you’re comfortable here, you should act.’ ”
The actress has since gone on to star in Ryan Murphy’s Scream Queens and is now appearing on the latest installment of his horror anthology series.
American Horror Story: Cult airs Tuesdays at 8 p.m. ET on FX.
This Story Originally Appeared On People