5 Reasons I Only Ever Do My Shopping Online

Online Shopping Therapy
Photo: Miodrag Gajic/Getty

When I was younger, I used to beg my mom to take me to the mall to go shopping. I could spend hours looking for nothing in particular and trying on clothes, and it always seemed like a fun adventure. My mom generally hates shopping but would take me anyway because she is the best (love you, Mom), and I never really understood why anyone wouldn't love shopping as much as I did.

But then something happened. Around the age of 25, I began to loathe the idea of going shopping. And I work for a magazine that spends a whole lot of time thinking about shopping. Maybe it was my anxiety kicking in full force. Maybe I got lazier. Maybe that's around the time I became more cynical—about the crowds, about my body. Whatever it was, I found that I did not get the same joy out of going shopping that I used to. So now, whether it be clothes or groceries or household items, I pretty much dread the thought of heading to an actual store.

And I'm not a hermit nor am I antisocial (I promise that I do leave my apartment and even have friends!). But when it comes to going out to buy things that I can very simply purchase from the comfort of my home (read: bed), I will always go for that option. The words "free shipping" give me a high.

So, with Black Friday coming up (my worst nightmare), you can only imagine how much I love and appreciate that Cyber Monday is waiting patiently for me. Seriously, people get trampled and punched and threatened every year on Black Friday because they got between someone and a discounted stereo system. You couldn't pay me to go shopping on that day.

Online shopping is not just a (bad?) habit; it's a way of life. It calms my nerves, surprises me, and is literally good for my mental health. Let me explain...

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You don’t have to leave your bed

I love my bed. It's comfortable and warm and I feel safe there. After sleeping and ... other things, online shopping is my favorite activity to do in bed. I can be wearing sweatpants, hair tied, chillin' with no makeup on (yes, those are Drake lyrics). I can be wrapped in a cocoon of blankets, and everything I could possibly need will be sent to my door in a few days' time. Why would I ever leave my bed again?

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Traffic sucks

I live in Los Angeles, so unless it's two in the morning, traffic is pretty much always bad. You know what also sucks here? Parking. A) It's expensive, and B) People will shamelessly try to steal the parking spot you're about to snag, so when I can buy something without having to take the 101 to the 10 to the 405 or deal with the hell that is parking in L.A., I will always choose that option.

You don’t have to come in contact with other humans

This is a big one for me because I don't particularly enjoy interacting with strangers. I'll say it: People are the worst. We get in your way, we can be rude, and many of us lack a general sense of what constitutes personal space. Not having to navigate around other human beings in a confined space, make small talk with anyone, or wait in a checkout line with people breathing down my neck? I'm in.

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It doesn’t matter what time of day it is

Have you ever been seven hours deep into a Netflix binge and it's 1 a.m. when you realize you're about to run out of toilet paper, which reminds you that you should also stock up on cereal, and, oh yeah, you need a new dress for that Vegas trip in two weeks? Why wait until the morning, when you'll have to leave your bed, sit in traffic, and talk to people you don't want to talk to (please refer back to points 1-3), when you can find what you need online at any hour of the day while rewatching Grey's Anatomy from the very beginning?

Online Shopping Meme 

There’s always something to look forward to

Okay but seriously, is there anything better than when you get the email notifying you that your order is en route? While it can be argued that doing your shopping in person fills that need for instant gratification, I much prefer ordering something and waiting excitedly for it to come. It's the anticipation, people! And it doesn't have to be clothes to get me excited. My last purchase on Amazon Prime was dish soap, and I was stoked when I saw that it was on its way. I'm not an expert, but I'm pretty sure those shipping notifications give me endorphins, and according to Elle Woods, "endorphins make you happy." Case in point.

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