My kink? Watching Steve Kornacki do math poorly.

By Sam Reed
Nov 06, 2020 @ 12:59 pm
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Credit: Kelly Chiello/Getty Images/InStyle

Like many Americans, I have not looked away from a screen for the past 72 hours. I feel like I'm in the honeymoon phase of an intimate new relationship with CNN, and we can't seem to leave each other alone. Each new key race alert makes my heart pound. I can recite every "CNN go" ad word for word. "Back of the envelope math" is my biggest turn on. Jake, Anderson, John, and I are spending upsetting amounts of time together, and we all know it's not healthy.

I'm not alone. "I’m starting to think John King is hot," InStyle's own senior beauty editor, Kayla Greaves, confessed in our Slack chat yesterday. "Help."

Are we sleep deprived? Yes. Are we still drunk from Tuesday evening when we busted out the tequila at 4:59 p.m.? Probably. Are we being subliminally and systematically reprogrammed by the cable television gods to think that our sexual orientation is now Thicc White Man with Steve Martin hair? Of course we are.

We're all horny for these people. How can we not be? Nothing is sexier than calling the president a cry baby, doing math poorly, and putting those big hands to work on something called the "Magic Wall." Admit it. You have an election crush. The only question is, who is on the top of your list?

David Muir (ABC) — Christopher Luu, news writer

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Everyone's hot for Anderson Cooper, sure. But David Muir is another silver(ish) fox that's not only more accessible (ABC!), but also not shy about showing off. 

Muir's biceps are the co-anchor we can all get behind: not too distracting but always appreciated. And thank goodness for the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge (remember that?) for blessing our timelines with a peek at what's underneath those white button-ups.

Also, his plane selfies are a work of art if you're into swaths of newscaster skin and travel inspiration — because I'm very inspired to follow him wherever he's going. He can have the window seat, because even from the middle spot, there's plenty to see.

So let the kids (looking at you, Jon Ossoff) have some time in the spotlight. Muir's been on national TV since 2003 and while that new new has its appeal, give me the comfort and familiarity of someone who's been around.

Anderson Cooper (CNN) – Lauren Kane, digital managing editor

Credit: andersoncooper/Instagram

Anderson Cooper is easy on the eyes — check out the shirtless pics of him that Andy Cohen posted on Instagram — but it's his wit that really turns me on. A news anchor that can throw shade better than a Real Housewife is sexy as hell.

Jake Tapper (CNN) — Sam Reed, senior editor

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I want Jake Tapper to give me a blank stare with his perpetually furrowed brows bumping up against his forehead lines and then tell me, "You ... don't know that?"

Jacob Soboroff (NBC/MSNBC) — S.R.

What can I say, I love my Jakes who could double as Clark Kents. This man's jaw line could snap me in two. He is the archetype of hot professor. He is both Mr. Turner from Boy Meets World and Richard Gere pre-grays. Get this man an Armani underwear ad campaign.

John King (CNN) — Kayla Greaves, senior beauty editor

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Let me be honest and say that I did not think of John King at all before Tuesday, Nov. 3, 2020, but based on this throwback photo of him from 2000, I should have been. After being glued to my TV for the past gazillion hours, I'm noticing now that there's just something about him and those screens and those numbers — and oop. Maybe I've been watching way too much CNN for the past week, or maybe I've just learned to have a new appreciation for the King. Either way, hey boo!

Michael Strahan, (ABC) — K.G.

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OK, fine I know he's not doing any specific election coverage, but Michael Strahan is big, buff, bearded, and beautiful and I've been here for it. Wouldn't this slow victory feel so much sweeter if he was one of the anchors pointing to a digital map, struggling to figure the math out, and reading us these sexy new numbers as they rolled in? Now that would be a good morning, America.

Steve Kornacki, aka Map Daddy (MSNBC) — group chat of Alyssa Hardy, senior news editor

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Steve Kornacki, aka “Map Daddy,” is not necessarily the apple of my eye, but if you look through my text messages with friends, apparently I cannot stop talking about him. “This is not the point but I am very attracted to Steve,” one friend wrote at 12 a.m. Tuesday night. We then proceeded to discuss his mannerisms and general safe-feeling outfit. “It’s not so much physical but emotional and spirtual,” she surmised. When I asked this morning, after days of watching Steve in the same khakis she doubled down on her feelings confidently writing, “I stand behind this."