By BIBIANA JULIAN
Updated: Aug 24, 2018 @ 2:56 pm
ABC

Man, it feels good to watch this episode without stressing about what I look like on camera!

That said, I’ll admit, it took me some time to snap back into reality and adjust to being back home. When I left Paradise, I laid in bed for a few days and ordered enough Uber Eats to feed all the tenants in my apartment complex. Eventually, my girlfriend Kim convinced me to join her for a workout and that helped get me out of the funk.

As far as dating goes, I’ve put that on the back burner. I’ve only been publicly single for a minute because you kind of have to keep a low profile while the show is on so you don’t spoil the plot for viewers. Plus, after my time on Paradise, I was in no rush to jump back into the scene. Now that I’m officially single, though, I plan to let life surprise me. I have a feeling I’ll meet my guy in a very serendipitous way — or, you know, out on the dance floor.

But back to the episode. Let’s get into it, shall we?

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Leo’s Arrival

I don't get the fascination with this guy. I am really surprised to see how into him Kendall and Chelsea are right off the bat. I mean, yes, he looks like he walked right off the pages of a romance novel, but IMHO his hair is … a lot? … and he needs to take the alpha male thing down a notch.

Since I wasn't there, I had to phone my girl Astrid to give me the real rundown about why Leo was the main attraction of the week and how deep that really went behind the scenes. She’s just as baffled as I am. Maybe it was just because he was the first new guy to come into the mix. I will say this: Who doesn’t like a new cocktail when the one you’re holding is watered down from melted ice?

But Leo, every time you open your mouth, I have a really hard time wrapping my head around your sudden popularity. To review:

Leo to Chelsea: “I do think you’re beautiful. You don't have to worry about that.”

Let’s unpack that: Although the girls may have been swooning over his looks, don’t you think his subtly chauvinistic and egocentric comments make him less attractive? I mean, is Chelsea’s hearing off?

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Leo to Kendall: “Honestly, I was hoping you’d be here, to be honest.”

I don’t think anyone who says “honest” that many times in one short sentence is actually being honest. Also, if you were all excited to meet Kendall, why did you just make out with Chelsea? Honestly, do you plan to be honest here?

Leo to Chelsea: As they make their way down to the Jacuzzi, Leo asks Chelsea whether she’s really “completely actually naked” under her clothes.

No, she’s wearing a unitard underneath! What do you think, Leo? That’s sort of how clothes work. Again, I think Chelsea’s hearing is off or the sun is really getting to her. I know everyone likes to call Jordan Zoolander, but these one-liners could have been pulled from that script.

I concur with what Jordan said in the aftermath: “To see Joe in a bad place, makes me want to kick Leo right in the [beep].” I’m sad to see my boy Joe struggling. We are really getting to see how much he likes Kendall, and unrequited feelings are just hard to watch. But I also understand where Kendall is at — she’s torn between Joe and Leo and just doesn’t want to make the wrong decision. Like I’ve mentioned before, Paradise is about exploring relationships, and she’s doing a good job of communicating how she’s feeling with Joe. But, man, does this guy Leo give off bad vibes.

The Best Romance in Paradise Yet

I am here for the Joe and Jordan bromance. Way to stick together.

Let’s Return to Colton and Tia

Be still, Bachelor Nation! We can finally say Colton and Tia are a couple! They made it official. My fairy dust is useful after all. #YoureWelcome

Colton got a date card and took Tia, and they found themselves truly on the same page, probably for the first time in Paradise. Raven, who made an appearance on their date, was maybe not so much on the same page, but she may come around :)

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Bonjour, Benoit!

After we ladies struggled with the influx of women last week, I’m thoroughly enjoying watching these guys question their relationship status’ and at the mercy of the women with the roses. ::insert evil emoji smile::

Benoit takes Jenna out, and judging by his new lip shade, I think it’s safe to say that things went well for them.

Meanwhile, Jordan is wondering if it’s too late now to say sorry (to Jenna).

Can’t wait to see how the next episode plays out. Doesn’t seem like Mr. Leo is going to keep his cool.

XO,

Fairy Love Mother

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