Why Mario Kart, Stormy Daniels, and Donald Trump Are Currently Trending
First came Michael Wolff; then Omarosa Manigault Newman; then Bob Woodward.
Now, Stormy Daniels is the latest fringe political player who has written a tell-all memoir about her interactions with the 45th President of the United States.
The pornographic actress, who alleges she had an affair with Donald Trump back in 2007 following a celebrity golf tournament (while he was still married to current wife Melania), intimated rather private details about the president in the new tome, Full Disclosure, which hits stores on Oct. 2. According to The Guardian, which obtained an advance copy of the book, Daniels leaves little to the imagination in her NSFW, "excruciating" descriptions.
Here, the highlights:
This is why everyone is talking about your favorite Nintendo 64 game:
No one asked, but Daniels went into detail of Trump's, um, nether regions.
“He knows he has an unusual penis,” Daniels wrote, according to The Guardian. “It has a huge mushroom head. Like a toadstool ... I lay there, annoyed that I was getting fucked by a guy with Yeti pubes and a dick like the mushroom character in Mario Kart." Subtle, Stormy.
“It may have been the least impressive sex I’d ever had, but clearly, he didn’t share that opinion," she added.
I think I speak for everyone who remembered Toad as the most nimble of the Super Mario crew when I say, thanks for ruining Mario Kart, Stormy!
Twitter agrees with me:
Trump reportedly wanted Daniels to star on The Apprentice — and he was willing to help her cheat:
After their tryst, Daniels writes that Trump offered her a spot on his NBC reality show, The Apprentice. “We’ll figure out a way to get you the challenges beforehand,” she quotes him saying. “And we can devise your technique.”
Trump and Hillary Clinton were reportedly phone buddies:
Daniels writes that during their affair, while she and Trump were enjoying a post-coital Shark Week program, the Donald received an unlikely phone call from his future foe: Hillary "lock her up" Clinton.
“Then, to make it crazier, Hillary Clinton called,” Daniels wrote. “He had a whole conversation about the race, repeatedly mentioning ‘our plan’..." The Guardian speculates that the plan was related to Clinton's run for the Democratic party's presidential nomination.
But, she adds, “Even while he was on the phone with Hillary, his attention kept going back to the sharks."