Uh, this isn't quite what we were expecting.

Who hasn’t wanted to third wheel it with Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton (preferably in the early 2000s)? With Ms. Hilton’s new song with Dimitri Vegas & Like Mike, “B.F.A. (Best Friend’s Ass),” we are granted a sneak peek into the VIP club scene inhabited by the rich and famous and their many “f—kboy” hangers on.

Despite the weeks-long promotion of the dance-track by provocative title alone, the song doesn’t really have anything to do with the “best friend’s ass” in question. Instead, Paris (aided by conversational interlude between herself and someone who does not sound like Kardashian) sings about getting hit on by club rats, snorting coke off acrylic nails, and the seminal BFF rite of passage: going to the bathroom together.

The moral is this: everyone wants Paris, but she’s too distracted by Kim’s butt to hang. Why is she distracted by Kim’s butt, aside from the obvious fascination we all have with it? It’s unclear. “I can't stop lookin' at my best friend's ass,” is all the explanation we get.

I guess this the Kim Kardashian-themed 2019 version of “hoes before bros”, though “Best friend’s ass over nightclub douche bags” doesn’t have quite as nice a ring to it.

Paris and Kim teased a “secret project” related to the track last week, so it’s safe to assume they were shooting the “B.F.A.” music video. Hopefully its launch will dispel the mystery of Kim K.’s butt once and for all.