By Camille Nzengung
Updated Dec 03, 2018 @ 5:15 pm
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Over her long and storied film career, Meryl Streep has played many award-winning characters. But while you'd expect the Hollywood icon to want to take a trip down memory lane and revisit past roles every now and then, that's not the case at all.

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According to Vanity Fair, while attending the annual Montclair Film fundraiser in New Jersey, the 69-year-old revealed that reminders of previous insecurities keep her from watching her early work.

“I’ll come upon a movie I’m in, and I’m very young and very beautiful. But I was so unhappy,” she said. “I thought my nose was too big. I thought I was fat. Because these are the things that people tell you.”

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For her first of many trips to the Oscars, Streep let her soft blonde hair, natural flush, and inimitable acting chops do all the talking.

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Despite having felt that way, Streep never felt the need to constantly meet Hollywood’s standards of beauty, especially when it came to choosing her film roles.

“I could play older when I was young. I could play a man in Angels in America. I could screw around with how I looked,” she said. “Which to me is a political act: to say ‘it’s not always going to attract your lust or your interest, or anything to do with ingratiation.’”

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From Death Becomes Her to The Devils Wears Prada, Streep has often leaned towards roles that require some sort of physical transformation, and it has only seemed to benefit to her, as her many awards and trophies seem to prove.

Honestly, she was being way too hard on herself.