By Isabel Jones
Oct 24, 2018 @ 9:45 am
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Though it may seem the stuffy restrictions put in place by the monarchy have faded away in the modern era (Meghan’s a pants-wearing divorcee, after all), the various guidelines of royal fashion etiquette are still very much in effect, and — more or less —adhered to.

It’s not a rule, per se, but it’s known among the family (and the press) that Queen Elizabeth “isn’t a fan of wedged shoes,” and thus female royals avoid wearing the style in her presence, and rarely even wear them at all.

Max Mumby/Indigo/Getty Images

While I’m not a proponent of telling anyone what they can or can’t wear (except, you know, blackface — ahem, Megyn Kelly), I’m kind of on the Queen’s side. Though a comfortable alternative to a stiletto heel, I think wedges are pretty ugly, and totally lacking in the regality of your typical pump. That being said … Have any more grandsons for me to marry, Liz?

Anyway, thousands of miles from the palace, in Fiji, Meghan Markle was greeting vendors and fans at a market in Suva when her visit was cut short — reduced from the scheduled 15 minutes to a mere 6. According to reports, the engagement was abbreviated due to a “security risk” resulting from overcrowding, but we have a different theory: it was her shoes.

Pool/Samir Hussein/Getty Images

Markle arrived at Suva Market in a printed pink Figue dress ($1,495; modaoperandi.com) and a pair of Castañer espadrille wedges (!!!) ($120; net-a-porter.com). The Duchess of Sussex wore the same shoes last week at Bondi Beach, so we’re assuming the Queen has been on high wedge alert ever since.

Pool/Samir Hussein/Getty Images

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So, those six minutes that Meghan was at the market … ? We’re going to guess that was how long it took for word of Markle’s shoe pas to make its way to the palace. And then Queen E got on the phone MI6 style and was all like “Get Meghan to the extraction point! Abort mission! ABORT!”

Queen E sees all.