By Jonathan Borge
Jul 25, 2018 @ 2:00 pm

For its loyal fans, Gwyneth Paltrow's Goop is known as the database for cures for just about any ailment. If Paltrow recommends it, then it must work.

Over the years the Oscar-winning movie star, entrepreneur and mother of two has always confidently stood up to her critics of the unconventional site—even those that call her a “witch” for suggesting vagina steaming, or eliminating entire food groups from one's diet.

But in a new, incredibly lengthy profile for The New York Times (block out some time on your calendar for this delightful read), writer Taffy Brodesser-Akner peels back the layers of mystery surrounding Paltrow as she gets into the nitty-gritty about the success of the Goop brand. The profile pairs perfectly with an early weekend morning and a shot of kombucha, but since it's not quite Saturday, we plucked out the meatiest parts so you don't miss a thing.

The long and the short? Gwyneth will always be unapologetically Gwyneth.

She’s Shy—and the Annual Goop Summit Is Rough for Her

GP: “It’s insane, and then I have to do a lot on the day [of the conference], and I really don’t like speaking in public, and I have to keep getting up in front of a crowd.”

RELATED: Gwyneth Paltrow Breaks Down Her Surprising Diet

She Doesn’t Call Her Butler, Jeffrey, a Butler

Taffy Brodesser-Akner: “Is he your butler?” 

GP: "No, he’s a house manager ... He’s the best. He’s from Chicago. He’s so incredible. He helps me with everything." Brodesser-Akner adds that Paltrow "doesn't know what to do without him." 

She Doesn't Understand Why She Was Once Labeled "the Most Hated Celebrity in the World”

GP: “I remember being like: Really? More than, like, Chris Brown? Me? Really? Wow. It was also the same week that I was People’s Most Beautiful Woman. For a minute I was like: Wait, I don’t understand. Am I hated to the bone or am I the world’s most beautiful?”

She Provided an Update on Working with Harvey Weinstein

GP: “The one time that Harvey propositioned me was really almost the least of it in terms of how onerous that relationship was, and it was very quid pro quo and punitive, and I always felt like I was on thin ice, and he could be truly horrible and mean and then be incredibly generous. It was kind of like a classic abusive relationship.”

She Didn’t Understand the Backlash to “Conscious Uncoupling”

GP: “I was really saying we’re in a lot of pain, we failed at this; we’re going to try and do it in a different way. But I was so raw that I didn’t anticipate [the backlash] ... I think that was an instance where it really hit me that an insouciance with language from me is different than from somebody else.”

Ex-Husband Chris Martin Makes Appearances at Her L.A. Home

Brodesser-Akner writes, "Chris Martin walked in and sat down at the kitchen island and introduced himself. He saw my tape recorder and immediately told me that though I seemed nice and trustworthy, he had no interest in being part of my article, so please keep anything he says out of it."

Her Children, Apple, 14 and Moses, 12, Play Music with Martin

GP: “[Moses is] going to play AC/DC. He keeps such good time.”

Her Family Loves The Office

Said Apple, “I started watching ‘The Office,’ and I find it so funny." 

“The English one?” Paltrow asked.

“No, the U.S. one.”

“You have to see the English one.”

She Wanted a Third Child

Writes Brodesser-Akner, "She wasn’t going to have more kids. That she also knew. Her business, her age, which is 45—not impossible, but still. She’d wanted a third. She told me that after she asked how many I had, and I told her I had two children as well, and it was wonderful, but I was sad I didn’t have a third."

She continues, "[Paltrow] told me I should rethink it while I’m still young enough. 'All I’m saying is it’s not nothing,' she said. 'I really wanted another one.' I nodded solemnly. (Later, I cried.)"

Clicks Have Lead to Wildly Successful Goop Brand Launches

Two stories on Goop lead to branded launches, Brodesser-Akner explains. A piece about beauty products that didn't have endocrine disrupters and formaldehyde inspired Goop by Juice Beauty—her line of creams, oils, and cleaners—and an item on the discovery "postnatal depletion" syndrome helped give birth to Goop Wellness, her solution to vitamin supplements.

She’s Never Heard of The Cut—No Really

"Bloggers at New York magazine’s The Cut regularly mock Goop’s gift guides (to which G.P. said, “I don’t know what The Cut is”)," writes Brodesser-Akner.