Jamie Dornan
Credit: 50 Shades of Grey/Facebook

Guilty pleasure of the month: going to see a screening of Fifty Shades of Grey, cocktails in hand, before it hits theaters. That's precisely what we did last night in New York City, and we learned so many things. Oh, did we ever. What do you need to know before you go see the sexiest film of the year? Here’s your ultimate guide—read it before you go, and you’ll be ready for the ride.

Prepare to Laugh (Yes, Really---We Did)

Don’t expect a serious plot—we envisioned this as a heart-pounding, riveting, serious storyline filled with sex, sex, and more sex. Kinkiness there was aplenty, but we spent more time laughing than anything else. It gets off to somewhat of a rough start—the audience was laughing so loudly that we missed a few lines, which made it seem more like a comedy than a sexy R-rated drama.

There Is a Lot of Naughtiness and You're Gonna Like It

Yep, the rumors are true—there are indeed a lot of sex scenes (duh). The first few times they're hooking up seem a little watered down but by the end Christian gets so rough with her that you actually wince and want to look away. Ouch. Whips, chains, handcuffs—you see him use them all on her (and then some). The important thing to remember is that at the end of the day, whether you admit it or not, the reason you’re really going is because you want to see all the naughtiness. So rest assured, there is plenty of it.

Don't Expect an Abundance of Sexy Lingerie

One would only imagine that a film entirely dedicated to the subject of kinky sex would include an endless array of the female lead in naughty lingerie. But in this film, there isn’t any. When she’s not wearing collared shirts and sweaters, Anastasia rarely has anything on at all, with the exception of a pair of white granny panties and a playfully innocent pair of teal Stella McCartney cheekies. But don’t get your undies in a bundle—there’s a lot of erotica, never fear. Instead, she’s nude for a large portion of the film, whether she’s tied up to the wall or bent over a table. No lingerie needed, apparently.

The Best Thing About This Film: Jamie Dornan. No Contest.

Jamie Dornan is so hot, you totally forgive his bad American accent and his seemingly odd chemistry with Johnson. The best parts of the entire 125-minute flick are the several occurrences of Dornan sans his shirt. He looks good. Sooooo good it made us sweat. Especially when he’s playing the piano while flexing his 10-pack. Sigh. If you go in with the mindset that you will not leave the theater without developing an insanely inappropriate crush on Jamie Dornan, then you’ll be perfectly prepared.

Bring Some Bubbly---and Your Best Girlfriends

One of the best parts of seeing this film (besides Dornan’s aforementioned abs, of course) was sneaking in some bubbly. A little bit of champagne during this two-hour sexcapade made the whole thing that much more fun (cue the giggling). And if you're thinking about seeing this film with your significant other, you may want to think again. After our experience, we agreed that the safest way to watch is with the ladies. After all, do you really want to sit through two hours of watching Christian have his way with Anastasia, which will undoubtedly lead to your man wanting to try that whip at home? Ouch!

Bottom line: It’s a great movie to go see with your girlfriends—bonus if you’re knocking back some champagne during the film.