By Jonathan Borge
Updated: Aug 24, 2018 @ 11:51 am
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Sometimes, it’s easy to focus on the simple things, like Kim Kardashian’s vintage Gucci thong (which is older than Kylie Jenner), or a Kate Spade handbag sale that could potentially change your life. Other times it’s hard not to focus on the serious stuff.

This week? It’s all about the serious stuff.

After we learned that President Donald Trump’s former lawyer Michael Cohen pled guilty to eight criminal charges and that his former campaign manager Paul Manafort was also found guilty on eight counts of federal crimes (told you, it’s been a week), we also received another tidbit of info that called attention to the widespread corruption happening in Washington, D.C.

Enter Duncan Hunter (R-Calif., aka the Vaping Congressman) who along with his wife, Margaret Hunter, was indicted by a federal grand jury on Wednesday for allegedly misusing $250,000 worth of campaign funds for their personal … benefit. 

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All of the details sound just like something straight out of The Bling Ring: D.C. Edition. Basically, Hunter and his wife went on a crazy-lavish spending spree between 2009 and 2016, and all of the money they spent came out of the pocket of his campaign, something they got away with by “mischaracterizing” their habits in Federal Elections Commission filings.

The craziest part? In a 48-page indictment, we learned that while all of their spending — which we’ll get to momentarily — painted the picture of them having hefty bank accounts, they were actually broke. "The Hunters spent substantially more than they earned," the indictment said, according to the Chicago Tribune. "They overdrew their bank account more than 1,100 times in a 7-year period resulting in approximately $37,761 in 'overdraft' and 'insufficient funds' bank fees."

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Even better? What they chose to rack up fees for is all pretty ridiculous, including family vacations to Italy ($14,000) and Hawaii ($6,288.74), their children’s school tuition ($6,150), a flight for Margaret’s mom to Poland (almost $1,000), and charges that added up to $15,000 spent on plane tickets and hotel rooms for family members that included — get this — their pet rabbit.

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The couple, which had been under federal investigation since 2017, eventually paid back $60,000 to the campaign.

But the part that we really can’t get over, the part that just honestly made us laugh, is this: in March 2015, Hunter told his wife he wanted “Hawaii shorts,” despite the fact that he didn’t have any money for them. According to court documents, she suggested he purchase them at a shop that specializes in golfing gear so that the charge could be disguised as "some (golf) balls for the wounded warriors.” Ugh.

Now we have to know: Um, what are “Hawaii shorts”? Is this a whole genre of pant we're missing out on? What would they look like in 2018? And how expensive must they have been if the Hunters couldn't afford them? So. Many. Questions.

In honor of this news and the world we live in, below are 9 options Hunter could consider — if he doesn’t end up in jail, that is.

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Prada floral & flame board shorts, $950; barneys.com.

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Gucci multi-color silk panther-face shorts, $980; ssense.com.

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Saturdays NYC "Black Timothy" floater swim shorts, $115; ssense.com.

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Loewe Paula's Ibiza mid-length mermaid-print swim shorts, $525; mrporter.com.

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Onia calder long-length printed swim shorts, $145; mrporter.com.

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Orlebar Brown bulldog mid-length printed swim shorts, $345; mrporter.com.

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Orlebar Brown bulldog mid-length printed swim shorts, $345; mrporter.com.

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Wacko Maria printed canvas shorts, $410; mrporter.com.

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Vilebrequin "Moorea" mid-length printed swim shorts, $250; mrporter.com.

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