Sam Reed
Jun 18, 2018 @ 10:00 pm

Chris Pratt—the tall white Chris that's not Chris Evans, Chris Pine or Chris Hemsworth—accepted the Generation Award on Monday evening at the MTV Movie & TV Awards, and boy, did he have a lot to say. 

The Jurassic World actor, who is in good company among past winners like Will Smith and Robert Downey Jr., naturally thanked his family, gave a special shout-out to his son with ex-wife Anna Faris, Jack Pratt, and of course, shared some love for fans in his speech. 

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But the unexpected portion came when he doled out the "9 Rules from Chris Pratt: Generation Award Winner." Between an appreciation of prayer and a shout-out to the big man upstairs, the 38-year-old threw in a few poop jokes to lighten the mood. Confused? Same. But at least the sentiment, overall, was sweet. 

Read below for the full speech, including all nine rules. 

We didn’t have a pot to piss in growing up, but we laughed our butts off every day—we still do. And a special mention to my son Jack, who will watch this one day. Kid, I love you. I love you more than anything in the world.

And to the fans, I wouldn’t be here without you.

This being the Generation Award, I’m going to cut to the chase and I’m going to speak to you—the next generation. I accept the responsibility as your elder, so listen up. This is what I call '9 Rules from Chris Pratt: Generation Award Winner.'

Number one: Breathe. If you don’t you’ll suffocate.

Number two: You have a soul. Be careful with it.

Number three: Don’t be a turd. If you’re strong, be a protector and if you’re smart be a humble influencer. Strength and intelligence can be weapons, and do not wield them against the weak. That makes you a bully. Be bigger than that.

Number four: When giving a dog medicine, put the medicine in a little piece of hamburger and they won’t even know they’re eating medicine.

Steve Granitz/Getty Images

Number five: Doesn’t matter what it is, earn it. Reach out to someone in pain. Be of service, it feels good and it’s good for your soul.

Number six: God is real. God loves you. God wants the best for you. Believe that. I do.

Number seven: If you have to poop at a party, or you’re embarrassed because you’re going to stink up the bathroom, just do what I do: lock the door, sit down, get all the pee out first. And then, when all the pee’s done, poop, flush. Boom. You minimize the amount of time the poop is touching the air, because if you poop first it takes you longer to pee then you’re peeing on top of it and the poop particles create a cloud that goes out and then everyone at the party will know that you pooped. Just trust me! It’s science.

Number eight: Learn to pray. It’s easy and it’s so good for your soul.

And finally, number nine: Nobody is perfect. People are going to tell you you’re perfect just the way you are—you’re not! You are imperfect. You always will be. But, there is a powerful force that designed you that way. And if you’re willing to accept that, you will have grace. And grace is a gift. And like the freedom we enjoy in this country that grace was paid for with someone else’s blood. Do not forget it. Do not take it for granted.

God bless you.

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