Good morning, sunshine!
Yesterday was National Tequila day, which means today is gonna be rough. At least, for those of us who like a casual margarita or five.
I’ll admit, I’m known to enjoy the occasional alcoholic beverage, and though my Instagram will have you convinced otherwise, I’m not getting frat party-level wasted every night on picturesque rooftops.
I’ll have a couple (or perhaps a few) vodka tonics or glasses of wine two or three times a week, if that. I don’t usually drink enough to get properly hungover, and if I do, I’m stocked with my go-to cure: Morning Recovery.
So, when I was tasked with testing out a bevy of celebrity hangover cures, I said so long to my Morning Recovery and casual weekday wine sipping and upped my game. I mean, if I was going to chug a glass of pickle juice or subject myself to an ice cold shower, it would need to be for good reason.
Just in time for your post-tequila headache, scroll down below to follow along on my five days of drinking (and recovering) like an A-lister.
Day 1: The Paris Hilton Method
The Hangover: I had three drinks, but I threw caution to the wind in regard to that whole “don’t mix” rule. After a frozen rum and nutmeg drink, a vodka tonic, and a straight-up shot of vodka, I was not in good spirits (pun intended). The next morning I was nauseous, headache-y, and just generally embarrassed by my ultra-weak tolerance.
The Cure: According to the Herald Sun, Miss Hilton recommends "a quarter pounder burger filled with cheese and accompanied by lots of fries."
The Verdict: I haven’t had a chance to ask my good friend Paris Hilton where she goes for said “quarter-pounder,” but I would assume it’s not in my plebeian budget, so instead I turned to Burger King. FYI: Despite opening at 7 a.m. daily and bearing the word “burger” in their name, BK, home of the whopper, does not serve whoppers before 11 a.m. Or at least his is what an employee told me when I ordered one at 9:45 a.m. Upon my timely return I made the split-minute decision to order the sour dough king instead of the whopper. I do think the burger and fries (which I don’t even like, btw) helped my hangover, but was it worth starting my day at a Flatbush Burger King? I don’t think so.
Day 2: The Dr. Oz Method
The Hangover: My boyfriend and I drank two bottles of wine between us. The next morning I had a pounding headache and a super-dry throat.
The Cure: Dr. Oz recommends that you drink ¼ cup of pickle juice first thing in the morning, which supposedly replenishes electrolytes, helping to compensate the dehydration that results from excessive alcohol consumption.
The verdict: Not only was this a fairly abrasive and disgusting way to start the day, but I really don’t think it helped my hangover. In fact, I think it might’ve made it worse. Maybe my body just isn’t used to drinking pickle juice like it’s water? I was super nauseous post-pickle juice, a hangover symptom I did not have prior to downing the vile concoction. Dr. Oz’s suggestion was not for me.
Day 3: The Prince Harry Method
The Hangover: Making up for last Friday night’s three-drink fail, I was a little smarter about my next TGIF outing. I started with frosé (I’m a millennial, sorry), upgraded to actual rosé, moved on to my habitual vodka tonic (x2), and then reached the point in the evening where I ask the bartender to surprise me (something with blackberries and vodka, I believe). I woke up dehydrated, lethargic, and with a terrible stomachache.
The Cure: OK, no word on how legit this is, but it's rumored that Prince Harry cures (or perhaps cured,* in his party boy days) his hangovers with a strawberry milkshake. Maybe it's some sort of joke about being a ginger ... ? I don't know, but it sounded like an enjoyable fix.
The Verdict: It may have just been the placebo effect, but I like to think this really worked. Even if it didn’t, it made me really happy, and that’s all a hungover 24-year-old can really ask for.
Day 4: The Julia Roberts Method
The Hangover: I split a bottle of rose with my boyfriend, followed by a grenadine and vodka cocktail, and topped the evening off with a straight up shot o’vodka. This definitely wasn’t my worst hangover, but I’m feeling all the typical side-effects (stomachache, headache, dehydration).
The Cure: Julia Roberts reportedly cures her hangovers with "a balance between Champagne and carrot juice."
The Verdict: To be fair, when I popped a bottle of champagne first thing in the morning, I hadn’t thought ahead about what I’d do with the bulk of the bottle. After pouring a generous amount to mix with my carrot juice, I was left with a conundrum. So … I did what any reasonable twenty-something would do, and I (with a little help from my friends) drank the entire bottle. This may have canceled out the effects of the hangover cure I began with … That being said, my initial carrot juice-champagne cocktail was surprisingly tasty, and (if only momentarily) relieved a little bit of my pain.
Day 5: The Gwyneth Paltrow Method
The Hangover: It was my friend's birthday, so I went all in (I'm such a good friend, guys). I started the evening at my favorite liquor store (am I allowed to have a favorite?), which was serving samples of absinthe and rum—the perfect pair, no? I then drank a generous glass of rosé (it was Miraval, so I had to), a vodka soda, and two partial vodka shots. Later in the night I had two Cape Cods (vodka-cranberry) and a vodka tonic. Combined with little sleep and bottomless brunch plans the next morning, my hangover was not the best (it was the worst). I woke up with a headache, stomachache, dry throat, and just a general aura of grouchiness.
The Cure: Not even Gwyneth is immune to the power of a bad hangover. The Goop guru recommends that you do the following: "draw a bath that is as hot as you can handle it and mix in some Epsom Salts and Baking Soda. Soak for twenty minutes and then pop into a freezing cold shower for 1 minute. Get back in the hot bath and stay until you’re warmed up. Then get back in the shower for 1 more minute.”
The Verdict: When I decided to do this, I didn't realize that my bathtub doesn't actually plug, so the hot bath component was basically me splashing myself with scalding water and baking soda for 20 minutes—I also threw in a bath bomb, because when else am I going to use it? Even though I did this in basically the least legit way possible, I think it worked. At the very least, it woke me up. Maybe it's because it was 90-degrees and I don't have air conditioning, but that ice cold shower really hit the spot.