Celebrities Are Living in a Fantasy World of Nonsense Poots
Being a celebrity brings comes with the great responsibility of heralding hugely impractical fashion trends: the naked dress and its accompanying reams of boob tape, the 10-gallon gown that requires its own pallbearers, teeny-tiny baby bags that don't actually fit anything (though one's security detail can double as a purse). And 2022's prevailing celebrity trend might just unseat the lot as the most ridiculous, barely wearable style of them all.
Pant-boots, or boot-pants, or joots (jean-boots) have become the go-to all-in-one bottoms of celebrities who have committed to the bit. Kim Kardashian and Julia Fox are both recent wearers, sparking speculation that the garment's popularity can be attributed to Kanye West, known stylist to his romantic partners. But Rihanna's latest outfit from an outing this week in New York City, which featured a shiny, skin-tight leggings style of the boots (loots?), shows that the movement's reach is far more vast than we thought.
Just consider for a moment all of the inefficiencies of the poot. It may be tempting to see the two-fer as a time-saving solution — just pull them on and go, right? — but actually, they're a logistical nightmare. How exactly does one go about washing a poot? And were the trend to transcend the celebrity bubble, can you imagine the enormous range of sizes that would have to be available to account for the incalculable combinations of shoe size, waist size, and inseam needed to serve the general public? (This is no time for algebra.) It's no wonder Julia Fox took a pair of scissors to her joots after just one day of wearing them, reducing them to far more pedestrian pieces than the sum of their parts.
To be fair, Rihanna's recent loots appear to be a pair of Balenciaga Knife Boots combined with a separate pair of leggings in a near-identical stretch fabric, thereby assuaging some of our anxieties. Still, her apparent cosign of the trend is bound to only make matters worse given how helpless we, as a society, are to resisting her influence. We may all soon be shopping for our own joots, poots, and loots at Nordstrom or Italist (they may be the one thing not included in its vast end-of-season sale).
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