We get it—relationships aren’t easy. In the words of Maroon 5—things aren’t always rainbows and butterflies, as some of us would’ve imagined.
As time goes by, we base our happiness on what we once wanted, rather than we currently need. "When emotional needs are not matched, that’s a really big issue—more so than sexual issues. You want to feel adored. You want to feel prioritized. You want to feel cared about," explains Chicago-based clinical therapist Lynn R. Zakeri. And who doesn't?
But for many, the answers aren't always as clear as day, leaving them to figure things out through a series of tumultuous mistakes.
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We reached out to three women who have openly admitted to cheating on their significant others while being unhappy in their relationship or marriage and they opened up about why they cheated.
Scroll down to see what they said!
My husband and I married in 1997. We had a son in 2001. He was a guitar player and spent all his time out with his friends in bars, while I stayed home with our son and two kids from a previous marriage. We never communicated and I got more emotional support from the wall. Several times, I was contacted by people telling me that he was having an affair behind my back. I did not have the emotional strength to ask for a divorce, so I had a quick affair that lasted four days. I immediately told him about the affair, and he agreed to a divorce, just as I had hoped. We do not talk and we do not co-parent. My son lives with him and neither want anything to do with me. I moved out of state and never looked back.
We all cheat for different reasons be it insecurity, lack of attention, revenge, money, and in some rare cases opportunity. As for me, I cheated in retaliation along with the need to be encouraged and empowered by my significant other. I have always been a self-motivated individual but there are times that a women like myself needs some words of affirmation and a little boost of encouragement from my spouse. I didn't cheat for money, lack of attention or insecurity. I cheated because my spouse failed to feed me intellectually and motivate me through his words.
I found out he cheated as well. Finding out that your lover has cheated, in comparison to telling your significant other that you have cheated is no better. Telling the truth is hard. To be honest about your own infidelity is an act of maturity and responsibility for one's actions. I didn't have to tell my spouse that I cheated, but I wanted to. Deep down, I knew that I loved him more than the reasons that drove me to cheat, so I swallowed deeply one day and told him. The road to forgiveness was long and still continues.
There was an immeasurable impact on my family, my kids, and my relationship. There were countless exchanges of belittling words, resulting in separated living conditions. To say that I regret cheating is to say that I am not thankful for what I have learned about myself and my relationship. I am saddened by my infidelity and sometimes I condemn myself, but I am reminded that I am better now because of it. I am more open to communication with my spouse, more appreciative of what we have, more aware of my strengths and weaknesses within my relationship, and more sensitive to my spouse's needs. I do regret the pain and agony I inflicted upon him, but at the same time I do not regret the lesson and morals I have learned from it.
I cheated when pregnant. I found out my son's father was still married and got another girl pregnant while dating me. I met my ex on a chat line. He seemed to be the one. He even drove to Bakersfield, California, to buy my son a PlayStation for Christmas. I lived in Orange County, while he was in Ventura. We met in February 2004. He got another girl pregnant, and I found out when he brought the baby to Christmas that year. She was born Sept. 2 and my mom was killed in a murder-suicide, in October. As a result, I was thinking with my heart and said, "OK. Let's work on this, and give her a mom." I found out later that HE WAS STILL married until 2010. So I cheated. My attitude was F him. Our son was born in 2006, but there was another guy who was more than happy to be with me and take care of my sons with me. So my ex denied our son and left California to Colorado. He never forgave me and still denies knowing me, or our son, even though child support just caught up with him. He broke me emotionally.