By Dr. Jenn Mann
Apr 18, 2018 @ 11:45 am
Eva Hill

DEAR DR. JENN,
I've got a basic rabbit vibrator, but I know there's more out there. What's the essential sex kit to keep in my night table drawer, both for solo pleasure and for when I've got company? —All About the Goodies

DEAR GOODIES,
Miranda had a goody drawer, Samantha had a goody closet, and Christian Grey had a goody room. No matter where you fall on the goody spectrum, every adult should have a collection, however big or small, that makes her or his sex life easier, more pleasurable, and less messy. And according to one poll, 61 percent of adults do. Here is your primer:

BARE NECESSITIES 

Yes, generally speaking we are naked when we have sex. But what we wear leading up to the event, and often during, can make the fun that much sexier. We tend to think of lingerie as being something that we wear to seduce a partner. But sexy undergarments can be used in our own seduction as well. It’s hard not to be in the mood when you put on something that makes you feel sensuous. Have fun with bras, panties, G-strings, bustiers, garter belts, pantyhose, teddies, negligees, corsets, and costumes. Experiment to see what makes you feel sexiest. It's also fun to find out what your partner likes and dress up in a way that's provocative to him or her.

In a survey of 1000 men who were asked what turned them on the most—dirty talk, porn, female masturbation, sexy lingerie, or “other”—a whopping 92 percent said sexy lingerie. Seventy-three percent of those men also reported that they relied on this kind of stimulation to keep things exciting in a long-term relationship.

THE RIGHT LUBE 

You don’t have to be post menopausal to appreciate lubricant. As a matter of fact, I consider lube to be one of the most underused sex enhancers around. It is great on lips for a blow job, on a vibrator, on your hands for a great hand job, on your fingers when going solo, during intercourse, and even inside of a rubber to increase sensation.

The trifecta. Keep in mind, there are three main types kinds of lube; water-based, silicone-based, and oil-based. Water-based lubes are most common and can be used with condoms without compromising their integrity. They can also be used with sex toys, even toys that are silicone based. Silicone-based lubes have a great, silky feel and are generally hypoallergenic but will destroy silicone-based toys. Oil-based lubes can double as massage oils and are best for water sex but will destroy condoms. Also, they are a bitch to clean up. Be sure to avoid Vaseline as a lubricant since it can cause infections and increases susceptibility to STIs.

Throat-numbing spray. Want to up your oral game? Throat numbing spray can turn you into a modern-day sword swallower.

Oral pleasure gloss. Apply to increase sensitivity to your lady parts or his stuff.

Desensitizing gel. Slow and steady wins the race. To make sex last longer, try slowing the action with some desensitizing gel.

VIDEO: All About the Famed Female Pleasure Center, the G-Spot

 

MAGIC WANDS

The wonderful world of vibrators is more vast than you can imagine, but here are the key types to have on hand: 

The standard. Everyone should have a standard vibrator. It is like the little black dress of sex toys.

The massager. Many women swear by the Hitachi Magic wand that was originally meant to be a massager until some brilliant lady spread the word about a better way to use the contraption.

The two-for-one. Rabbit-type vibrators that stimulate two spots at once have come a long way. They're no longer limited to ones that look like little animals. With Lelo’s Saroya, be prepared to experience a G-spot orgasm and a clitoral orgasm at the same time. As one woman I know said, “Be prepared for your eyes to roll to the back of your head.” Pretty much all of Lelo’s products are beautiful and look like modern sculptures.

The suction. One of the the most popular new trends in sex toys is the suction-based clitoral stimulator, like the Womanizer, which provides a small suction cup that goes directly over that rosebud.

The dildo. It's a timeless classic. Even if you are having sex with a man, a good, old-fashioned dildo can come in handy. Sometimes your partner finishes first or is too tired to keep hip thrusting. If you want to get fancy, try a newly trendy glass dildo. Many women prefer them because, believe it or not, they are more durable and easy to clean up. You can even put them in the refrigerator or heat them.

RELATED: My Boyfriend Watches Gross Porn. Should I Be Concerned?

BLUETOOTH SEX

Teledildonics are a fun way for partners to tease each other or get each other off from a distance. They allow you control small sex toys from a distance, often right from your phone. Check out the from We-Vibe Sensations Unite Collection, which includes his and hers vibrating toys in different shapes that can be turned on from your cell, or Lelo's similar Titanium, which comes with a remote.

ALL ABOUT THE BOOTY

This area of the body is very sensitive because of the high concentration of nerves there. It can bring many men and women pleasure through touch or penetration. But there are three things to keep in mind with anal play: One, this is not a self-lubricating area, so you will need to use lubricant (lots of it!). Two, in order for it to be a pleasurable experience, the sphincter muscles must be relaxed first, which can be accomplished by starting slowly with your fingers, not rushing. And three, because the area is so fragile, it can tear easily. Make sure to trim your nails or wear gloves and keep in mind that anal sex is a high-risk activity when it comes to HIV transmission. Make sure to discuss risks and preferences with a partner and take safe-sex precautions. And consider these tips:

Silicone-based lube. My recommendation for anal play since it lasts longer and cuts down on reapplication.

Choose toys with intention. An ER doctor friend of mine once told me, “The butt is like a vacuum. Things that you put up there get sucked up." Yup. Therefore, it's important when using toys for anal play that they are specifically designed for this area so you don't wind up with an embarrassing (and painful) ER story.

Butt plugs. In the first Fifty Shades book, Anastasia was horrified by the idea of a butt plug. By the last book, she was happily well-versed in the matter. If you are new to this kind of anal toy, you may want to work your way up in size, starting with something unintimidating.

Prostate massagers. If your man is open to a little stimulation in the area, a prostate massagers can be the way to go.

RELATED: How Much Sex Is "Normal?"

JUST FOR HIM

Looking to give your man a new thrill in the bedroom? There's a world of sex toys for men to experiment with. Some of them will bring you pleasure too.

Cock rings. A good, basic cock ring can keep him hard longer, and a vibrating one can take intercourse to a new level for you.

Fleshlights. The fleshlight is a male masterbator that feels like lady parts but has Hoover-level suction. It's among the most popular sex toys for men right now.

GETTING KINKY 

For those inspired by BDSM, who want to experiment with even more props and toys, there's a lot to choose from: handcuffs, nipple clamps, a blindfold and restraints (you'll need under-the-bed restraints if you don't have a four-poster bed), a breathable ball gag, a collar and leash, a riding crop, a paddle, and a flogger or whip.

MOOD SETTERS 

Whether it's solo sex or with a partner, setting the mood enhances the sexual experience. Make sure you have some romantic lighting and keep the following nearby:

Massage oils. Touch makes for great foreplay and massage is a great way to do that. Massage oils can take your technique to another level.

A candle. It creates the right mood lighting (bonus: the kind that highlights the body's contours beautifully but is much more forgiving than harsh overheads). Massage candles do double duty, creating a warm, sensual wax that can be used on the body. Don’t forget to keep matches near your candle so you don’t have to ruin to mood searching for them.

Reading material. There is good reason the Fifty Shades series brought in over $125 million in book sales. Not sure what you like? Check out one of Nancy Friday’s books, like Forbidden Flowers, which is a collection of women’s sexual fantasies.

THE PRACTICAL SIDE OF SEXY

While these items are not as racy and fun as what the toys you just stocked up on, you need them by your bed:

Water. All that hot sex is bound to make you thirsty!

Small towels or tissues. To wipe up messes.

Mints. You're not at your most kissable after garlic, onions, coffee, or wine. 

Hair accessories. Sometimes your hair just gets in the way. Keeping some ponytail holders or fish clips by the bed will help make sure that the only things in your mouth are ones you actually want there.

Lip balm. Dry lips are not good for kissing (or other things).

Condoms. Safe sex is really important. Keeping condoms by the bed is a good idea, even if you are using an alternative form of birth control. If you miss a pill and need a back up or are with a new partner, condoms can give you peace of mind.

RELATED: 3 Things No One Tells You About Having Sex After Giving Birth

And there you have it!

If you are single and living solo, a drawer may be all you need. It if you have kids, you will probably want to lock up your goodies. I recommend a lock box that fits under the bed. Start slow and work your way up to the more advanced toys, and have fun with your new collection of goodies.

In Hump Day, award-winning psychotherapist and TV host Dr. Jenn Mann answers your sexiest questions—unjudged and unfiltered. Have a quandary of your own? Email us anonymously at HumpDay@instyle.com.