Why Do I Keep Being Sent Unsolicited D*ck Pics?

DEAR DR. JENN,

I am dating using a few different dating apps, and I keep getting sent d*ck pics and getting propositioned for sex. Not all my friends are having this experience, and it's really not what I'm looking for. What is going wrong? —Seeking Love, Finding D*cks

SEEKING LOVE, FINDING D*CKS,

First of all, you are not alone receiving these unsolicited assaults on your eyes. According to a 2016 online survey, over 60 percent of women have received an unsolicited dick pic. A Match.com study found that sexual photos from guys are the number one biggest turn-off for women.

You would think men would know better, but clearly, just looking at the stats, they do not. The reasons why men do this range from the clueless to the insecure to the downright predatory. Understanding the thinking behind the behavior will help you make a dick pic plan of action best suited for your situation.

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Let's start with the clueless category. Evolutionary psychologists have found that men are wired to over-perceive a woman's sexual interest in them, whereas women often under-perceive a man's desires.In other words, men are more likely to assume that fun conversation or playful banter means you want to rip his clothes off and gaze at his junk. (And hey, sometimes it does!) Many of the guys who fall under this category also assume that since they would love it if you sent them a vagshot, their prickasso will get you going. Some of these men have likely encountered a woman who either was receptive to a visually aided sext they sent or requested one, so they assume there is a mass appeal. They also think that you will take it as compliment that you got him so hard. These men do not fundamentally understand how you feel about these portraits. Or they're playing the numbers game. They throw out 100 pics in the hopes that they will get one interested party, which makes the other rejections worth it. The anonymity of the Internet makes it easier to take a risk, and if you throw in a few beers, a flattering crotch shot seems like a sexy idea.

Then there are the insecure guys. Their shots are a bid for attention. This may mean a guy who feels bad about his package and is hoping you will make him feel better, or it may mean the proud sausage owner who is looking for you to stroke his ego. There are also the under-articulate men who, unable to say they want to have sex with you, figure a picture is worth a thousand words. I recently read an interview with a man who used to send d*ck pics and explained his habit along these lines: 'I had a huge member but weak social skills with women.' Hopefully he has gotten therapy to work on the social skills since that interview.

Then there are the predators. These guys know that visual assault is a form of harassment. They are looking for a reaction. Some are even turned on by women getting shocked, upset, angry, or disgusted. Their goal is to throw you off your game and make you uncomfortable. This is a form of exhibitionism. For these guys, negative reinforcement is still reinforcement.

Here is what you can do to help minimize the incoming offensive imagery—and how to deal when you do get a surprise visitor.

1) Make it clear in your profile what you are looking for. In your case, it sounds like a relationship, not a hook up.

2) Ask three honest male friends to look at your profile and give you feedback. Is there anything you included that may give off the impression that you are looking for a quick hookup rather than something less one-dimensional? I am not one for victim blaming. I do, however, think an objective set of eyes can provide helpful information. Your close friends may be able to help you examine what kind of messages you are sending. It's a numbers game, for sure, but if you are consistently attracting potential partners that don't align with what you actually want from one, then it may also be worth visiting a therapist to gain a better understanding of your romantic goals and habits. Sometimes we need a sounding board to crack what's really going on inside.

3) Don't lead with sexting or sexual banter. Hold off on any discussion about sexual preferences, experiences, or innuendo. Starting off on a sexual note gives men the impression that sex is what you are looking for. If someone thinks you're looking for a hook up, a d*ck pic may be on its way.

4) You may be temped to send an innocent picture of your own—a puppy shot, a selfie, even a snapshot of the gorgeous sunset. But before meeting, you may want to avoid sending or requesting images of any kind. You know what he looks like from his app shots (and he is probably 20 pounds heavier, with has less hair). Opening the picture exchange door is a gateway drug to the d*ck pic.

5) Analyze the apps you are on. Are these unsolicited eyesores coming from one site more than others? Certain platforms are more geared toward quick hookups and therefore are more likely to result in revealing messages that cut to the chase.

6) Do not respond to the shots. Go dark. If the sender is a predator type, you don't want to give him the satisfaction of a response. Even if you were into him, an unsolicited, potentially offensive pic shows such poor judgment that you may want to rule him out as a partner. This is a guy who does not read the room well or understand boundaries.

7) If the images are offensive, report the visual assaults to the dating site. Many have policies against such activity. OK Cupid started a "Because You're Better than a D*ck Pic" campaign, requiring all members to agree not to send "harassing or unwanted sexually explicit messages." Users who violate the policy are banned.

Hopefully, with this new knowledge, your eyes will be peen-free.