DEAR DR. JENN,
My boyfriend and I are in a sexual rut. We do the same things to the same body parts every time. Are there other erogenous zones we’re missing out on? —Magellan
I'm thrilled to supply the map for your adventure. It can be awkward to start stimulating parts of your partner’s body that you’ve never even touched before—but I assure you, they feel like hidden treasures once you find them.
To be a great lover you need to know some anatomy—and you need to be curious and open-minded. Allow yourself to touch, lick, massage, and play with things you have never played with before, and invite your partner to do the same, but always be gentle and mindful of the other person’s boundaries when exploring uncharted territory. Here are some much-underrated hot spots to try.
This area of the body is very sensitive because of the high concentration of nerves and can bring many men and women pleasure through touch or penetration. Not everyone likes to be stimulated in this area, so it’s important to communicate preferences with your partner before venturing there (that goes for all new body parts you’re going to touch).
There are three things to keep in mind with anal play: (1) This is not a self-lubricating area, so you'll need to use lube and lots of it. (2) in order for it to be a pleasurable experience, the sphincter muscles must be relaxed first, which can be accomplished by starting slowly with your fingers. (3) because the area is so fragile, it can tear easily. Make sure to trim your nails or wear gloves, and keep in mind that anal sex is a high-risk activity when it comes to HIV transmission. Make sure to discuss risks together and take safe-sex precautions.
2. Clitoris (Hear Me Out)
Obviously you’ve heard of the clit before, but did you know that only about a quarter of it (including the clitoral head, the hood, and the shaft) is visible to the naked eye? It is actually about four inches in length, most of which (the urethral sponge, erectile tissue, glands, vestibular bulbs, and clitoral legs) is in hiding. The clitoris contains 8,000 nerve endings, double the nerve endings in the glans (rounded tip) of a penis. It's made purely for pleasure and has nothing to do with reproduction. The part that's not visible does not need direct stimulation, but applying pressure to the parts you can see can makes waves down under, which kind of helps explain why those orgasms are so powerful.
As much as I love Sigmund Freud’s work, he was way off base when he claimed that the clitoral orgasm is an “immature” orgasm, and the G-spot orgasm is a “mature” one. All orgasms are good orgasms and many women enjoy clitoral ones the best.
This is the elastic band of tissue located on the underside of the penis, just below the head, where the glans meets the shaft. For most men, it is highly responsive. It looks like a “V” and typically responds well to gentle stroking, tongue flicking, and kissing.
4. The Grafenberg Spot
Known as the G-spot, this is a small pleasure point located a few inches inside of a woman’s vagina, above the vaginal wall. It is easiest to find using a well-lubricated finger, when a woman is already highly aroused and has emptied her bladder. Two-thirds to a full finger length inside the vaginal canal, there is a ridge of slightly rough, engorged tissue on. This is the G-spot. Once you think you've spotted it, move your finger in a "come hither" motion, toward the belly-button side of a woman's body, and you'll find it. For some women, it is the Holy Grail, and for others it hardly responds to stimulation at all. Experiment with different kind of strokes, touch, and pressure to find out where you fall on the spectrum.
I have to admit, I had never even heard of the K-point until reading one of sex guru Lou Paget’s books. According to her, the K-point consists of two small bumps the size of half-grains of rice on either side of the clitoral hood. In her book, 365 Days of Sensational Sex, she gives some explicit directions on how to make good use of these points, including using steady tongue strokes over the clitoral hood.
VIDEO: 4 Ways to Get More Pleasure From Your Breasts During Sex
Often ignored on both men and women, nipples are highly sensitive erogenous zones—for some. Many men feel that their nipples get overlooked, because they are not expected to enjoy stimulation in those areas. But men’s nipples have the same nerve-packed receptors that women’s do, and some men are turned on by a little nipple action.
This sensitive area, which is full of nerve endings and spongy erectile tissue, is located between a man’s scrotum and anus and between a woman’s vagina and anus. This is where the pelvic floor muscles crisscross one another, making it a super sensitive hot spot. Stroking or tickling this area can activate the pudendal nerve, which runs through the pelvic floor muscles and lets your brain know that you are aroused.
The prostate is a small, walnut-sized gland located just beneath a man’s bladder. It surrounds the urethra like a doughnut. When a man becomes sexually excited, it swells up with the fluid that makes up semen, sending pleasurable sensations throughout his loins as he nears orgasm. The “P-Spot,” as some call it, can be located and stimulated by putting a well-lubricated finger two-to-three inches into a man’s anus. Stimulating or massaging the prostate can result in orgasms that are stronger than average, according to some sex experts. Some men even report experiencing multiple orgasms or full-body orgasms from prostate stimulation.
Balls tend to be overlooked and neglected but can bring most men a lot of pleasure. They may look delicate, but testicles are more rugged than you might imagine. Remember, they get banged around quite a bit during intercourse. If you flick them with your finger, you might have to peel your lover off the ceiling. Many sex educators recommend focusing on the scrotum, the pouch that surrounds the balls. Ask for lots of feedback while you experiment with touching, licking, massaging, or caressing this area. Once you have a sense of mastery, try doing these things while touching or sucking other body parts.
This is a small patch of sensitive erectile tissue located between the clitoral glans and the vaginal opening, also known as the urethra. It’s the opening where urine exits the body. Its erotic potential is just starting to make news. Sex researchers have found that when this region is gently caressed with a finger, the tongue, or the tip of the penis, there is a powerful sexual response. This makes sense, since the urethra is lined on three sides by the clitoris.
Have fun exploring!
This week, we're deep-diving into sex, dating, and relationship drama, here. After all, the hottest days of the year call for a Summer Fling.