If You're Gonna Masturbate in Your Parents' House, Read This First
DEAR DR. JENN,
Over the holidays, I am staying with my parents at their house. When I stay at my parents' house, I sleep in the den which is also my dad's office. There is no lock on the door, and he comes in an out when he needs things. A traveling girl has needs but I’m not sure how to satisfy myself with such a lack of privacy. Not to mention, the whole situation stresses me out so much I think it will take me longer to get there. I could use some tips. — Rolling solo
A girl's got to do what a girl's got to do. You are not the first to complain about a lack of privacy while visiting home, say over the holidays or just because. We can’t have you going long periods of time without getting off, all while spending time with family and dealing with the elevated stress levels that can bring. Here are a few tips to get you through the festive season, with that holiday flush you're after.
1. Create some privacy. Do your best to create some boundaries and privacy at your parents' house (or wherever you're staying, be it a friend or other relative's abode). There are a few ways you can do that. You can tell your parents that you need some privacy so you can meditate. That way they are less likely to disturb you. Another option is to simply ask them to knock before coming into the room, in case you might be changing. Along those lines, you might want to ask them if they would be willing to put a lock on the door. You could let them know that do you really value your privacy, especially when you're sleeping, and would like to have the reassurance of the lock on the door. When all else fails, the bathroom is the ideal private spot. Even in the most intrusive of homes, most people respect bathroom privacy. This is where bathtub faucets and shower nozzles come in handy!
2. Get some portable goodies that are quiet. Once you have establish some privacy, or everyone is asleep in the middle of the night, you are going to want to make sure you can do your thing without it being obvious. This is not the time to plug-in your Hitachi wand. While many women swear by this baby, it is too big and too loud for travel. You may want to try something like the Lelo Lilly 2 a tiny been-shape vibrator about the length of your thumb that fits in your purse or a finger vibrator. It is worthy to note that both are waterproof for shower action and can be fun for partnered play, too.
For a full size toy that specializes in, as the company puts it “vibrators should be seen and not heard,” check out The LoveHoney Silencer Whisperer Quiet Classic Vibrator. If you want to be even more discrete than that, you can get a vibrator that look like a rubber ducky, a lipstick, or a necklace. If you can't get it done without some lube: Uberlube makes a travel size container that looks like it could be perfume.
4. Silent foreplay. Staying at your parents house is not the time for sex FaceTiming with your girlfriend on speaker phone. It is a better time for some kindle erotic novels or a more raunchy read like Nancy Friday’s buffet of sexual fantasies in My Secret Garden. If you decide to get your fix via porn, make sure that you wear headphones or keep the volume off (you can even look at GIFs to be sure it's legit silent). Fortunately, the fantasy that goes on in your head is silent, so that is still a great warm-up for your solo play.
5. Work with what you got going on. Make your situation work for you. Maybe you had some glory days in that very same room that you want to revisit. Or, try to come up with fantasies that you can use to get yourself off where you are prevented from making noise or even moving. Use your imagination to make the best of what you’ve got going on. Then, enjoy yourself — but try not to scream.