Here's how to make your orgasms go from hiccups to explosions.

By Dr. Jenn Mann
Feb 09, 2021 @ 4:30 pm
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DEAR DR. JENN,

I see women in movies and hear my friends talk about having these incredibly powerful orgasms... but mine just don't seem as explosive as what other people describe. It takes me a long time to get there with my partner (or on my own) and when I do, my orgasms are way more muted. Is there something wrong with me that I've never had an orgasm that intense? And is there anything I can try to achieve a truly mind-blowing orgasm? —Little O

DEAR LITTLE O,

For some women, great orgasms come more easily than a bad match on a dating app and for others, it can be more difficult than getting a family pack of toilet paper four months into a pandemic.

But knowing your body parts, turn-ons, and turn-offs is key. There are many things that you can do to make your orgasms go from hiccups to explosions. Here's where to start.

Get down and dirty with yourself.

Knowing your own body is key to having great orgasms. Women need to befriend and love their lady parts in order to get the maximum level of pleasure from those parts. If you feel shame, reservation, or worse yet, disgust, you are unlikely to be able to let go and have great orgasms. If you don't know what you like, your partner is even less likely to know and be able to help you get there. In order to achieve incredible orgasms, you also need to explore your psyche. Allow yourself the room to explore erotica, pornography, and sexual fantasy (and know that what turns us on is not always politically correct). Orgasms begin in the mind and until you know and accept your turn-ons, you are operating at a disadvantage. 

Know that a vibrator and lube are key to an amazing female orgasm. 

On this topic, I need to address the mechanical pleasures of the vibrator! A good vibe and a bottle of lube (which reduces friction and prevents you from becoming desensitized) can take your orgasms into the next stratosphere. That said, if you are already familiar with the bliss of a vibrating wand and your struggle is real when you don't use it, you're not alone. While vibrator dependency is not an actual diagnosis, many women report that overuse can make your clitoris feel as numb as your forehead after Botox. If this sounds like you, I suggest using your hands 50 percent of the time — and vary your solo techniques. This will help you get to know your body better and make sure you don't become too acclimated to just one type of touch. I also suggest turning down the intensity and using the minimum speed it takes to get the job done. 

Rule out any health issues.

If the above doesn't do the trick, you'll want to meet with your doctor to discuss anything that could be impacting those O's like hormones, childbirth, menopause, endometriosis, and other health issues that can impact orgasm. In addition, you will want to review your medications. Meds like antidepressants, blood pressure medications, and even birth control pills can impact orgasm. Fortunately, there are frequently other options that can reduce sexual side effect, if you talk with your doctor.

Here, more tips to make it easier to achieve a mind-blowing orgasm: 

1. Get flexing. One of the best things you can do is Kegel exercises. Kegels — which involve contracting and releasing the pubococcygeal (PC) muscle — strengthen your pelvic floor which supports the bladder, vagina, and uterus. Strengthening these muscles will lead to stronger and more intense orgasms. (Just make sure you're doing them the right way.)

2. Get yourself in the mood. Take time to fantasize by watching movies or porn that get you hot. If watching porn isn't your thing, consider a sexy book to get the blood flowing down there and get you in the mood. A study of erotic novel readers found they have sex 74% more frequently and are more satisfied with sex than their non–erotica reading counterparts. (It's no wonder the romance novel genre is a $1.5 billion a year business, with 91% of purchases made by women.)

3. Build it and you will come. Even when you are flying solo, foreplay is key. When you feel like you are getting close, stop, rest, and let your body recover. Allowing yourself that arousal build up, back off, and building back up will result in a more explosive orgasm. 

4. Practice makes perfect. The more you have sex, of any sort, the more you will stimulate blood flow to your genitals and improve lubrication — which bodes well for orgasm. Studies have found that orgasm frequency is highly correlated with orgasm intensity. In other words, the more orgasms you have, the better they are! 

5. Use teamwork. If you find your orgasms are not as good with your partner, make sure you teach him or her all of the new things that you have learned about your body. Having open communication about your preferences, desires, fantasies, and needs in bed is crucial to having great orgasms.

5. Address the issues that hold you back. Spend some time in therapy to work through any issues you have around sex, body shame, or trauma you have experienced. Unaddressed, these issues can prevent you from having great orgasms.

6. Get sexually fit. Orgasms are a blood flow game. In order to have the best ones, you need good blood flow to your lady parts. Being healthy all-around can help make that happen, so let that motivate you to eat healthy, exercise, or cut back on smoking and drinking. While alcohol can lower inhibitions and make you think you're about to have great sex, it actually harms the sexual response cycle meaning delayed orgasms and decreased sensitivity for both men and women.

In Hump Day, award-winning psychotherapist and TV host Dr. Jenn Mann answers your sex and relationship questions — unjudged and unfiltered.