Everything You Need to Know About This Elusive Female Orgasm

DEAR DR. JENN,

Talk to me about squirting. It's like, mythological at this point — is it even real? Can my body do that? How would I go about making that happen? What is it that comes out, anyway? Is it pee? It's pee, right? — Waterworks Wanted

DEAR WATERWORKS,

What you are referring to is the elusive female ejaculation, and you are not alone. People are fascinated by this sexual unicorn. Every time I am on the radio (on a station that allows for graphic sex talk), I get tons of questions about squirting. So, let's get into the main ones.

What is squirting?

When a woman gets excited, her vagina produces lubrication. Sometimes that increase in natural liquid can feel like a bit of a gush. Typically when we think of squirting, we think of a rush of fluid shooting out, like a fire hose, but it's a little more complicated than that. Before we get into the ways it comes out, I'd like to tell you what exactly it is that's coming out. (I know, you're concerned that it's pee. Well, keep reading.)

Two things go into the excretions you experience with squirting: One is a whitish fluid that is excreted containing prostate-specific androgen (PSA) from tiny glands on the side of the woman's urethra, which are sometimes referred to as the "female prostate." The rest of the liquid is just what you think: urine expelled from the bladder during sex. In my clinical practice, the partners of squirters whom I have spoken with report that this fluid smells and tastes different than urine. It has been described to me as neutral to sweet.

In a study of seven women who experience female ejaculation, doctors performed an ultrasound on their bladders that showed them to be empty. They were then sexually stimulated by a partner or alone. When they were close to orgasm, another ultrasound found their bladders had filled up again. After orgasm, each woman's bladder was empty again. In this study, two of the women's secretions were shown only to be urine, while the other four were a combination of urine and PSA.

Can anyone squirt?

Studies of squirting show a wide range of statistics on the topics of who and how. According to Spanish researcher Francisco Cabello Santamaria, 70% of women ejaculate a fluid that is not urine at some point in their lives. It may only be once, could be occasionally, or even regularly. It is believed that some women excrete such a small amount that they may not even be aware it is happening whereas others produce so much that they need a towel.

Most of the studies that have been done are smaller scale and use self-reported questionnaires. One found that 40% to 54% of women have at some time experienced some fluid being released from the urethra when sexually excited. Another questionnaire of 233 women found that 14% reported having experienced ejaculation with all or most orgasms, and 54% reported they have experienced it at least once.

The mythological narrative around squirting (or, its popularity in porn) has created a lot of pressure on some women to achieve squirter status. For others, it has been a great relief to know they are not the only ones, and that normal and healthy bodies can display a huge range of wetness during sex.

Here's how to make squirting happen.

There are some experts who say that only a small number of women are capable of squirting. Whereas another camp says anyone can learn how. Those who are in the sexual "you can do anything you put your mind to" camp recommend the following.

1. Let go of your sexual hangups. In order to be open to the possibility of female ejaculation, your inhibitions need to be down, you need to feel safe and relaxed with your partner and like you can really let go. If there is something holding you back — trauma, anxiety around sex, discomfort around your own sexuality or body parts — therapy can help you work through these issues, and I'd recommend that for more reasons than just achieving a different type of orgasm.

2. Make sure you are hydrated. Think about it: You need water to create wetness. If you are dehydrated, your body can't produce the fluid you need to achieve your goal. Drink up.

3. Empty your bladder. The pressure of a full bladder can distract from sexual pleasure or make you feel uncomfortable. Even though the study of female ejaculation found that right before squirting the women's bladders had refilled, you don't want to start with a full bladder, or else you may just end up having to pee.

4. Strengthen your pelvic floor muscles. The pelvic floor is a series of muscles and tissues that form a sort of hammock at the bottom of your pelvis. Strengthening those muscles will help you reach orgasm more easily, frequently, and intensely, which in turn can help you squirt like a porn star. The best way to become a pelvic floor powerhouse is by doing Kegel exercises.

5. Get familiar with your G-spot. The Grafenberg spot, known as the G-spot, is a small pleasure point usually located a few inches in. It is above the vaginal wall on the belly button side of your body and can be found using a well-lubricated finger when you are aroused and your bladder is empty. About two-thirds to a full finger length inside the vaginal canal, there is a ridge of slightly rough, engorged tissue. It can be challenging to locate depending on the length of your fingers (toys are always an option), but many sexperts believe G-spot stimulation is the key to squirting. Others say it is possible to do it without G-spot stimulation, or that a combination of G-spot with clitoral stimulation is what will get you there. Guess you'll have to play around and see.

6. Masturbate. Spend some time getting to know your parts and getting yourself turned on without the pressure to perform a new sexual skill. Knowing how to stimulate your G-spot, what sensations come before (many women report feeling like they have to pee before a G-spot orgasm), during, and after, can help you fine-tune your practice.

7. Get educated. Check out books like Female Ejaculation and the G Spot: Not Your Mother's Orgasm Book, The Secrets of Great G Spot Orgasms and Female Ejaculation: The Best Positions and Latest Techniques Creating Powerful, Long Lasting, Full Body Orgasms, or Female Ejaculation: Unleash the Ultimate G Spot Orgasm. And try watching instructional videos (which are different than porn) that show techniques to help achieve squirting.

While it is always fun to explore new things and have sexual goals, be careful that you do not put too much pressure on yourself to orgasm in a specific kind of way. All orgasms are good orgasms — whether you soak the bed or not.

In Hump Day, award-winning psychotherapist and TV host Dr. Jenn Mann answers your sex and relationship questions — unjudged and unfiltered.