Lifestyle Yes, It's OK to Date Someone Your Astrological Sign Is 'Incompatible' With Astro-spying on your crush is sabotaging your relationships before they even start. By Lisa Stardust Lisa Stardust Facebook Instagram Twitter Website Lisa Stardust is a New York City-based astrologer who is known for her pop culture horoscopes. Stardust acts as a guide for clients to help navigate them through finances, relationships, and other important facets of life. She is the author of Saturn Return Survival Guide and The Astrology Deck. InStyle's editorial guidelines Published on August 25, 2020 @ 10:52AM Pin Share Tweet Email Photo: KKGAS/Stocksy Imagine you've found a cute new crush who you've been vibing with for a few days. You've sent flirty texts back and forth. The chemistry is great. Now, you wonder: "So... what's their zodiac sign?" But before you try to subtly suss out their birthday, keep in mind that you could risk sabotaging the relationship before you even get to know them IRL. Let's just say they're a Capricorn. You may think they're a workaholic who doesn't have time for a commitment. Or, you may believe that they are a curmudgeon who wouldn't vibe with your peppy energy. If your new crush is a Sag, you may be worried they are afraid of commitment and want to practice free love. If they're a Scorpio, you may assume they'll be secretive or mysterious and not forthcoming with their emotions. The list goes on. In other words, sun sign stereotypes can create more harm than good, especially if you're zeroing in on negative personality traits. In my experience as an astrologer, sun sign hate is real — and commonly keeps people from forming lasting bonds. (We can thank the meme world of Instagram for that!) The good news is, by resisting the urge to astrologically profile someone, your dating possibilities will widen. Here's how to use the stars to your benefit when it comes to dating and avoid cosmic assumptions. Sun sign stereotypes can create more harm than good, especially if you're zeroing in on negative personality traits What Can You Talk About On a First Date? We All Have More Depth Than Just Our Sun Signs Astrology is descriptive of the energy at play in one's chart — this is why it's important to always be open to listening and learning about a potential partner, rather than focusing on the cartoonish characteristics of their sign. Think of it as a painting, depicting a scene. There's no one size fits all and there's always more than meets the eye. Don't throw out sun sign compatibility altogether — just be careful how you use it. For example, Scorpios and Pisces frequently find each other in the world and commit to long-term relationships or friendships. The same goes for Aries and Leos. Maybe you feel that you get on best with a certain element: Fire (Aries, Sagittarius, and Leo), Earth (Taurus, Virgo, and Capricorn), Air (Gemini, Libra, and Aquarius), or Water (Cancer, Scorpio, and Pisces) and want to pursue a romance with one of them. If you feel that you get along better with certain signs, then go for it. How Every Zodiac Sign Acts On Dating Apps But I urge you to look at a person's whole birth chart in comparison to yours — not just their sun sign. This will, of course, require you to straight-up ask them their birth time and location, which I always recommend rather than attempting to creep on their birth chart without their consent. The danger is that this astro-spying can also lead to astrological stereotypes. If you find out a person has a Cancer Moon, then you may think that they're relationship-oriented — but this may not necessarily be the case. Also, charts evolve with time, which applies to your synastry (a term used to describe how the planets and birth charts line up together) as well. In other words, we grow into the better versions of our birth charts. We transform with them. This is why you'll need their feedback before you look at their birth chart. Use your birth charts to build on your relationship after you've already spent time getting to know each other IRL, not before your first date. By getting their birth chart details (date, time, and location of birth) and creating their chart with yours, you can pick up on deeper themes and nuances that you both share — for example, romantic inclinations, activities you both enjoy, and how you express yourselves. I recommend a joint astrology reading on your fifth date to create more intimacy. Talk about your lives. Ask your date if they feel like their personality aligns with their sun sign. In other words, use your birth charts to build on your relationship after you've already spent time getting to know each other IRL, not before your first date. How to Find the Best Sex Partner for Your Sign, According to a Sexual Astrologer But Analyzing Your Own Birth Chart Is Key While you may be tempted to stalk a new crush's birth chart to give you clues into the future of your relationship, I suggest turning to your own chart first. By taking a deep dive into your birth chart, you can often find all the answers you're looking for when it comes to your love life: the timing of the relationship, characteristics of who you'll date, what you're looking for in love, and the ideal way for you to go about finding a partner. In my opinion, your own birth chart is the best matchmaker there is. Put it to use. Astrology charts are great to indicate timing on all matters — especially dating. For example, natal aspects and astrological transits to the planet of romance and pleasure, Venus, and the seventh house of partnerships in your personal chart can explain the current vibe in your love life. Personally, my Venus is in Cancer. When transiting Saturn (a planet known to be austere, constraining, and limiting) opposing my tender Venus, I felt as though my love life at the time wasn't going anywhere fast. But, when chatty Mercury was in orb of it, I was feeling flirty and sassy. When Uranus ("The Great Awakener") was aspecting my seventh house of partnership, I was becoming aware of what I wanted in relationships and how I felt about commitments. I found love during a New Moon that aligned with my Venus, which proposed a new romantic beginning. All of this came from looking at my own birth chart. Countless times I've had clients and friends ask me why a situationship didn't pan out as they had hoped. The first thing I do is look at their chart to understand why. And, if they are first entering a relationship, I again turn to their chart to make sure that they're ready for love. What "Summer Fling" Even Means During the Summer of COVID Plus, “Incompatible” Signs Often End Up Together In the End Before you delete someone's number because you think your sun signs just aren't compatible, consider this: couples who have the worst astrological synastry tend to stay together the longest. Alas, it's true! The majority of people who wind up in long-term relationships don't have amazing energy on paper. Why? First of all, love always wins. Second of all, people like challenges. It gives them something to work on together, which means they can evolve together through time. Although their sun signs may not align perfectly, chances are, the relationship will never be boring. Before you ghost or curve your new crush based on their sun sign — remember your mother's advice: "Don't judge a book by its cover." Keep an open mind and don't discount someone so easily who could be your "person" — even if you've sworn off Scorpios.