By Victoria Moorhouse
Sep 18, 2017 @ 3:00 pm
Alamy Stock Photo

Sweater weather. Crisp cool air. Pumpkin spice lattes. Actually, pumpkin spice everything. These are the words and phrases that literally bombard every form of written, verbal, and technological communication the second September hits. In case Instagram hasn’t already filled you in, people LOVE fall. 

And I’m here to say that I most definitely do not. It’s an unpopular opinion, and Meg Ryan in You’ve Got Mail (plus all her characters in every other New York-based movie) and all her dreams of freshly sharpened pencils and school supplies would be mortified, but I don’t need any reminders on that. I have my reasons on why fall doesn’t give me life, and I’m using this opportunity to voice them.

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For starters? Transitional dressing. Can someone make this a college major? In the beginning of each fall, something happens to me where my mind is wiped clean of any ability I have to put together an outfit. I never know which summer dress can be decently paired with my new fall boots and what fabric is dedicated solely to summer. Linen? Gingham? What’s a girl to do?

Then, there’s the unpredictable weather that makes me feel like I’m suffering from chronic hot flashes. I’m either ill-prepared in the morning without a coat, or sweating my butt off at 3 p.m. because I thought it was a good idea to break out the cable knits. 

Pumpkins. I can reason with the world here on some levels, namely desserts. Pumpkin bars with cream-cheese icing are my jam, but I don’t need everything in my life to smell like nutmeg. The deodorant category shocked me, it goes far beyond trying to tackle B.O. There’s pumpkin spice cuticle oil, pumpkin spice latte highlighter, and a million and five pumpkin spice body moisturizers and body wash formulas. I'm all for a seasonal scent—in the summer, TOM FORD Fleur de Portofino All Over Body Spray is one of my signature scents—but I think the fruit (yes, pumpkins are a fruit) should stick to candles.

All this plus the fact that coming up with clever Halloween costumes seriously stresses me out and Pennywise is back in the picture? Let's just stay I'm trying to remain positive and think about the glorious fact that retro sport and bright red boots have officially returned.

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