Celebrity Emily Ratajkowski Emily Ratajkowski Wanted to Leave Her Marriage "For a Long Time" "I didn't have the courage." By Tessa Petak Tessa Petak Instagram Tessa Petak is a Brooklyn-based writer who helps to cultivate InStyle's illustrious news coverage across a wide range of topics including celebrity, fashion, and entertainment. She also produces and composes celebrity profiles and features for the site and InStyle's digital issues. InStyle's editorial guidelines Published on March 10, 2023 @ 12:44PM Pin Share Tweet Email Emily Ratajkowski is getting candid about ending her four-year marriage to Sebastian Bear-McClard — and it wasn't always a clear-cut decision for the model. On an episode of the Going Mental podcast with Eileen Kelly, Ratajkowski said she was trying to find the strength to leave "for a long time." "I didn't have the courage to leave for a long time. I was really, really unhappy," she told the host. "I was, like, 100 pounds and I had just had a baby. I got really skinny because I was not OK." Getty Images Emily Ratajkowski Just Wore a Phallic Plant As a Top She added that she was "trying everything" to feel happy. "I tried to take antidepressants," she said. "I was sure there was something wrong with me. I think so much of what I learned coming out of that relationship is to trust your instincts." "Gaslighting is a real thing," she added. Of course, the couple's 2-year-old son Sylvester Apollo made it harder to make the decision to leave. "Plus, I had just had a child, so I really wanted to have that family, so it was especially hard for me to totally walk away," she said. Getty Images At one point, Ratajkowski recalled that it just became clear when a line was crossed by Bear-McClard. While the model didn't elaborate on any details, she could have been referring to the cheating allegations that broke last year. "For me, it was so clear and then it just became clearer and clearer and clearer, which was good, which was clarifying," she said. Post divorce, EmRata has been staying booked and busy from high-brow modeling campaigns to her podcast, High Low with EmRata. Most recently, Ratajkowski walked in the star-studded Versace ready to wear Fall 2023 show on Thursday night in Los Angeles. Ratajkowski wore a black, shin-length column dress with a round neckline and spaghetti straps. She paired the look with short latex gloves, massive diamond stud earrings, a pink baguette purse, stockings, and coordinating pumps.