"I was so scared of seeing him in my nightmares that I forgot about seeing him in my dreams."

By Isabel Jones
Feb 05, 2021 @ 8:38 am
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On Thursday evening, the social media star reflected on the early days of her pregnancy and the "Wild" shoot in particular in a heart-wrenching Instagram post. 

"I was 10 weeks along and out of my mind happy," she wrote, sharing photos from the Mexico shoot. "I knew the video would take a bit to get together so thought it would be cute to share our news with the world through the ol classic hand on belly trick at the end."

"I could have never imagined what would happen over the next 10 weeks," she reflected. "Not sure I'll ever be able to watch that video again without sobbing but I hope he feels my tears and knows we miss him so."

Teigen imagined Jack would be here "any day now" if things had gone differently and went on to share her sad regret about the day of her late son's stillbirth.  

"I am so full of regret that I didn't look at his face when he was born," she wrote. "I was so scared of seeing him in my nightmares that I forgot about seeing him in my dreams. I hurt every day from that remorse."

"This month is a rough reminder and to be honest," she continued. "I thought the worst was over but I guess life and emotions aren't on any sort of schedule. Love you guys to pieces and am grateful for all your support and love. I firmly believe energy and healing travels through the night sky and I feel it, I promise I do. ❤️ and I love you jack. I miss you so so much."

Teigen is currently in bed, recovering from endometriosis surgery, with a little help from Larry David and our personal favorite pain-reliever, donuts. 

"I usually am really good after," Teigen said of surgery in her Instagram Story. "This one's a toughie."