She opened up to Gwyneth Paltrow.


In the latest episode of The goop PodcastCara Delevingne told host Gwyneth Paltrow that when she was younger, she felt "shame" and "self-hatred" over her sexuality. It was until she'd grown up a little, she explained, that she became more self-accepting.

Growing up, Delevingne said, she wasn't exposed to gay culture or people. She realizes now that when she was still young, she was actually "quite homophobic" without knowing it.

"I didn't know anyone who was gay, or I didn't know that was a thing," she said of her childhood. "Actually, I think growing up I was quite — not noticeably or I wasn't knowledgeable of the fact that I was probably quite homophobic."

Cara Delevingne
Credit: ABC / Contributor

She told Paltrow that those internalized struggles caused her to hate herself and brought up a lot of shame about the emotions that she was feeling.

"The idea of being same-sex anything, I was disgusted by that in myself, I was like, 'Oh my god. Oh, I could never! That's disgusting!'" she added. "So, learning and growing up and realizing that maybe I had a best friend when I was a kid who actually I liked more than they liked me, but not realizing that that's what that was."

Delevingne also opened explained how she'd struggled with depression and even had suicidal thoughts. She's glad that she's accepted herself and her sexuality, however, and told Paltrow that she loves the person that she's become.

"I do kind of correlate the kind of massive depression and the suicidal kind of moments of my life because I was so ashamed of ever being that," she said. "But actually that was the part of me that I love so much and I accept it."

When Paltrow asked Delevingne about her modeling career, she explained that she was having a hard time fitting into the distinct gender roles that came with the fashion world. She told Paltrow that she feels like more of an androgynous person and a lot of the jobs she was getting pushed her into extreme femininity. 

"That whole thing of just having to fit into the box that feminine," Delevingne said. "For me, I'm quite, I'm an androgynous person definitely but like I love being a woman and dressing up and doing all of that but I also love, just like being a bit of a rough and tumble."

Delevingne has been earning more and more acting credits, something that Paltrow could relate to. However, in true Delevingne style, she kept things real, noting that she was still figuring things out.

"I don't know what I'm doing," she finished. "No one does most of the time."

If a person you love says that they are considering suicide, take them seriously, stay with them in a safe environment, and call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline (1-800-273-8255).