"Vaxxed and Waxed" Is the New Hot Girl Summer
A few days ago, I stumbled upon the song of the summer on TikTok: "Vaxxed and Waxed" by a comedian/artist named Abe. His lyrics describe the "true" events of a recent encounter Abe had with a drunk woman in a bar, but the accuracy matters less than the vibes, which are simply immaculate. And the energy is exactly what I'm bringing with me to Shot Girl Summer.
I highly recommend listening to the song, because while vocally Abe's no Bieber (sorry, Abe!), it's still catchy as hell. Here's a lyrical highlight from the chorus:
"She told me she was 'vaxxed and waxed, and ready to go' / Vaxxed and waxed and she isn't a hoe / She's just vaccinated / Inner hoe activated."
If you're still awaiting a vaccine appointment, or the thought of a bikini wax sends chills down your spine, "Vaxxed and Waxed" doesn't have to be literal - it's an energy. A feeling. It's the confidence that overcomes you as you're leaving your Brazilian appointment and everything is, for lack of a better word, sensitive. It's Hot Girl Summer but for a post-Covid world, where the stakes for a good time are higher than a Project Runway catwalk. It is new, it is fresh, is ready for whatever. "Vaxxed and waxed" is the opposite of cheugy.
While it's true that waxing appointments are up 119% year-over-year according to appointment scheduler Booksy, you don't have to take the "wax" in vaxxed so literally - think of it more as a metaphor for conscious preparation. Waxing is manifesting. Consider when people get waxed: Before dates. Before vacations. Before high school reunions. We who choose to get waxed do it before something exciting, and that, my friends, is the level of anticipation we are meeting when bars and festivals and clubs reopen. The "Waxed" in "Vaxxed and Waxed" can be substituted for a drastic haircut, that sexy outfit you've been afraid to wear because it might be "too much," or your sparkliest manicure. Obviously, "wax" just happens to rhyme with "vaxx," and we all love a good rhyme.
"Vaxxed and waxed" is an equal and opposite reaction to all the cautions we've taken: to wearing masks and hugging people through a wall of plastic; to FaceTime instead of face time. It represents the anticipation of getting reckless, of a release of all that nervous energy we've been harvesting internally for a year - not unlike the fluttery inhale milliseconds before your aesthetician readies their grip on the waxing strip and proceeds to yank 100 hairs from your soft flesh. It has everything to do with your inner hoe, and nothing to do with your relationship status. Monogamous couples and single people alike can harness this energy with equal strength. "Vaxxed and waxed" is paying your dues - sacrificing 24 hours of your life to recovering from the second dose of the Pfizer vaccine, plus whatever painful prep work makes you feel your sexiest, most confident, and freest - and then LIVING for the rewards of that labor.
We've put in our time in self-preservation mode. Now, we're ready to get freaky. Inner hoe, activated.