Because Ariel might have gotten it wrong.
I love Ariel. Really, I do. However, I think she was mistaken when she sang, "I want to be where the people are." Ari, babe, I think you meant aren't. All jokes aside, what I'm really getting at is that it would be dope to be a mermaid. Flowing hair, tails, sea shell bikini tops?! But, given that I don't know an underwater sorceress who can take away my ability to verbalize in exchange for the ability to breathe underwater, I decided to splurge on the next best thing. Yep, beauty products.