September 14, 2017 @ 12:15 PM
In a new book out this week, Yolanda Hadid is speaking out about her multi-year battle with chronic neurological Lyme disease, even admitting that during a particularly low point around Miami circa 2014, the pain was so great that she didn’t care to go on.
“I write in the book [Believe Me: My Battle with the Invisible Disability of Lyme Disease] when I was naked in the ocean and just feeling so sick and at the end of my rope that I was just trying to be one with the universe,” she tells InStyle exclusively in the video above. “It was like, Okay just take me, I cannot live one more day with this pain.”
The thing that saved her? Her three kids, of course—IMG models Gigi, Bella, and Anwar Hadid.
“But in that same moment I also had a flash of my three children, going like no, that is such a selfish move to just let go and quit,” she says. “You just get so desperate. Being sick for three weeks is one thing, three months maybe, but when it turns into three years, four years, five years, you lose hope.”
She also admits that both Anwar and Bella—who not only appeared on an InStyle cover this past August, but has also become one of the world’s most in-demand models—also suffer from the disease. Though the world knows Bella as a sexy supermodel, she often comes home crying due to her pain and exhaustion.
“This child suffers every day, seven days a week,” says Hadid about her middle child. “But it’s really hard for people to understand because she forces herself, pushes herself to go to work, and I have her at home crying and in pain and I have to treat her. It’s very deceiving in a way.”
RELATED: Yolanda Hadid Reveals She Considered Suicide During Her Darkest Hours Battling Lyme Disease
As detailed in Hadid’s book, the complications with chronic neurological Lyme are extensive and can vary from severe joint and muscle pain to memory loss and even cardiac issues. She went on a worldwide mission to find a cure, but unfortunately one doesn’t exist yet for those whose symptoms go undetected. According to the Center of Disease Control, most cases of Lyme disease can be treated successfully with a few weeks of antibiotics if caught early.
Watch the full video above for more and click here to pick up a copy of Yolanda’s book.
You're just so desperate. Being sick for three weeks is one thing, three months, maybe, but when in turns into three years, four years, five years, six years, you lose hope. [MUSIC] There's one moment where I'm Naked in the ocean just feeling so sick and so at the end of my ropes that I was just trying to be one with the universe and just went like, okay just take me. I can not live one more day with this pain, but in that same moment I also had a flash of my three children, going like no, I mean that would be such a selfish move to just let go and quit. This child suffers every day, 7 days a week, but it's really hard for people to understand, because she really pushes herself, forces herself to go to work. You see this beautiful picture, and yet, I have her at home crying and in pain, having to treat her. It's very deceiving, in a way. The symptoms of Lyme Disease can be anything. For Anwar he had a sinus infection all the time and joint pain. You go through the whole system so many times until as a mom you have to follow your intuition and go it's not normal for a child to have a sinus infection all the time. We really have to Look at our children from a perspective of, well, what if the doctor isn't right? [MUSIC] Nathan and I had a wonderful seven year relationship that was great. It's really hard to be A chronically ill person for multiple years. But it's also really hard to be the caregiver of that person. And we all say things when we're hurt that we don't really mean. It's real life and the only reason I shared it is because there is hundreds of thousands of couples that go through this. And I only have gratitude for the time that we spent together. [BLANK_AUDIO] I had so many toxins coming into my body on a daily basis. Botox at lunchtime, like what was I thinking? And if I look back and think, what did I really learn about it? It was not to be vain any more. It doesn't really matter because the only thing that matters in the morning when you wake up is that you are healthy. And you can actually get out of bed and live life. So once I started removing all these things I made big strides. For me like I truly feel like I was given this journey for a higher purpose. [BLANK_AUDIO]