Warning: Spoilers ahead if you have not yet watched Season 7, Episode 3.
Let's get right down to it. "The Queen's Justice" was an incredible episode that gave us another reunion, brought two major characters together for the first time, and finally confirmed who really killed King Joffrey. Read on for a full recap and our favorite quote of the night.
We start another week off at Dragonstone, and we know what's about to happen. This is the meet-up we've been waiting seven seasons for, so of course we're practically giddy with anticipation. Jon Snow (Kit Harington) arrives to Dany's castle and is greeted by his old pal Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) who accompanied him to The Wall way back in season one. Missandei asks them to turn over their weapons which they do so obligingly. Gutsy move.
Tyrion inquires after Sansa, and we remember, oh yeah, they were married. Jon wonders aloud how a Lannister managed to become an advisor to a Targaryen. Tyrion admits to Jon that he would have advised against him traveling to Dragonstone. "General rule of thumb," he says. "Stark men don't fare well when they travel south." "True," says Jon. "But I'm not a Stark." You're a Targaryen! we all think to ourselves as a dragon poetically swoops in overhead.
Two people not there to greet Jon upon his arrival are Lord Varys and Melisandre (Carice van Houten), who are having their own private meeting. Varys is quite curious as to why Melisandre is hiding out, and she surprisingly admits that she didn't part ways on good terms with the King in the North because of horrible mistakes she's made, which is yet another thing we never thought we'd hear come out of her mouth.
"I've done my part," she says, explaining that she plans to leave. "I've brought ice and fire together." Varys warns her that she shouldn't return to Westeros, but she says she will. "I have to die in this strange country. Just like you." And we all ponder what she means by that. So does Varys. He looks puzzled and a bit worried.
Jon finally appears in front of Dany (Emilia Clarke) as she sits on her throne, and Missandei gives him the whole spiel of all her titles (there are so many at this point). Ser Davos awkwardly intros Jon in the best way he can, and they all go back and forth on the formalities of their proper titles. Khaleesi finally asks if he's there to bend the knee (we really love this term—it's so casual), but he says he is not, and she looks amused. Jon brings up that one time when her father killed some of his fam, and Dany surprises everyone when she admits her father was an evil man, and even goes so far as to ask Jon's forgiveness for his crimes.
She then reminds him of the good ol' days when the Targaryens ruled, and the Stark clan was Warden of the North, and she asks him if he'd be down for that kind of partnership again. For a second it looks like he's about to bend that knee, but not so fast, Khaleesi. He's still not going to do it. "I need your help, and you need mine," he says, and tells them all about those scary White Walkers that are trying to kill them all. "I am not your enemy. The Dead are your enemy," he warns. They look at him like he's crazy.
Khaleesi then takes him through her life up until this point (the struggle was real!), starting from when she was just a baby and was ordered to be killed. Through it all, she's persevered, she's made some major things happen (she birthed dragons!), and she's only been able to do all of that because of the faith she has in herself. "I was born to rule the Seven Kingdoms," she states. "And I will." But Jon says not so fast: "You'll be ruling over a graveyard, if we don't defeat the Night King."
They're still (!) not convinced, so Ser Davos really steps up his game in defending Jon, telling them how he was the first to make Wildlings their allies, how he was named Lord Commander of the Night's Watch, and how he became King in the North on his own, despite being a bastard with no birthrights. This has basically become a reading of everyone's resumes, but it's OK, we're still into it.
Ser Davos stops just short of telling them that he gave his own life defending his people, because then they'd have to explain him coming back to life, and that would be pretty time consuming, let's be honest. But they (still) don't come to any conclusions. Varys comes in and whispers something into Khaleesi's ear, and we can't wait to find out what it is.
Ah, how could we have forgotten. News has arrived of the Greyjoy ships that were captured in last week's episode. We cut to Theon (or should we go back to calling him Reek?) being pulled half-alive from the water. This poor guy really can't catch a break.
Cut to King's Landing and Uncle Euron is parading Yara, Ellaria, and the one remaining Sand Snake, Tyene, through the streets as onlookers scream, spit, and throw rocks at them. Euron even has a collar around his niece's neck and is pulling her along like a tortured puppy. We really don't like this guy.
As they enter the throne room, Ellaria sees The Mountain, who brutally killed her husband, and we have a feeling Cersei has something awful planned for her. Euron tells Cersei he's brought justice for her murdered daughter (he's feeling pretty good about himself), and Ellaria spits at her. Cersei laughs. She praises Euron and says he'll be rewarded with whatever he wants. He only has one desire, though, which is to marry her, and she says that'll have to wait til the war is won. We suspect Euron really likes a challenge, and Cersei is definitely that.
Euron also really likes taunting Jaime, which is way more fun to watch. He asks Jaime for sex advice (is it just common knowledge now that the sibs hook up?), and he is clearly pissed. We can't wait to see how this rivalry plays out, because we think it's only a matter of time before Jaime snaps.
We finally learn what horrible fate Cersei has planned out for Ellaria Sand. Although she contemplated having Ser Gregor crush her or her daughter's skull the way he did Oberyn, she's decided to poison her daughter in the same fashion Ellaria did Myrcella: She kisses the girl, her lips laced with poison, and then swallows down an antidote.
She explains that Tyene will die in the cell in front of her, whether it takes hours or days, and then Ellaria will be forced to watch her daughter's body decay and decompose while living out the rest of her life in that cell with her skeleton so she can think about her bad decisions. The horror on Ellaria and Tyene's faces is honestly really awful to watch. Cersei requests that the guards make sure the torches are always lit so she's forced to watch her daughter's slow death.
Apparently, Cersei gets turned on by revenge, because after leaving, she makes a beeline for Jaime. In the morning, they wake up together in bed and hear a knock at the door. Cersei is feeling bold, and she opens up the door as if what they're doing is completely normal. She is the queen and she doesn't care who sees her committing incest!
A visitor has arrived from the Iron Bank of Braavos. He's come for the money that the Lannisters owe, and let's just say it's a lot. Cersei invites him to stay the night and says she'll pay her debt off in full by the time he leaves (because a Lannister always pays her debts, we get it). That seems too easy, though, because the Lannisters ran out of gold long ago, and we're pretty worried for this guy's wellbeing.
We return to Dragonstone to see another meeting between Jon and Tyrion. Tyrion gives Jon a pep talk and tries to knock some sense into him, explaining that he's got to give a little in order to get what he wants. He asks Jon if there's anything else he wants that he can try and talk Dany into. A-ha. The dragonglass. Tyrion does what he does best and advises Daenerys to give into this request, because it will gain them another ally, and it really doesn't cost them anything since it's something they already have and will likely never use.
She finally agrees to something, and tells Jon she'll let him mine the dragonglass and provide the resources to do it. A little bit of compromise never hurt anybody.
Over in Winterfell, Sansa is doing some major housekeeping, taking stock of food supplies and how long winter could potentially last (Littlefinger is obviously lurking alongside her). We are living for Sansa's snarky comments to Littlefinger this season. He warns her about Cersei, and she quips back, "The woman who murdered my mother, father and brother is dangerous? Thank you for your wise counsel."
He actually does have some really sound advice for her, though. He tells her that everyone is her friend and everyone is her enemy, and that she needs to look at everything at all times so she'll always be prepared. They're interrupted when there's a commotion at the gate, and who of all people has arrived but her brother Bran! It is a tearful reunion between the two siblings (well, more so Sansa) who haven't seen each other since season one.
They go out to that creepy tree to catch up, and she reminds him he's technically the Lord of Winterfell as he is Ned Stark's last living son. "I can never be Lord of Winterfell. I can never be lord of anything. I'm the Three-Eyed Raven." Sansa is confused and has no idea what he means by that. He explains that he can see everything that is happening and everything that has ever happened, and she's even more confused. But when he says something specific about her marriage to Ramsay, it makes her realize he really can see things, and she (understandably) gets a bit freaked out.
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We return to the Citadel with a prognosis update on Ser Jorah. His skin is looking better, and as Archmaester examines him, he concludes that he's cured of greyscale (we're very thankful, because we're not sure we can stomach another skin-removal scene). He and Samwell pretend they have no idea what could've brought on this complete 180 in the state of his health, considering he was just on death's doorstep, because Sam could get in trouble for helping him. Sam asks where he'll go and he says he'll return to Khaleesi, of course. We can't wait for that reunion.
Meanwhile, Khaleesi is out for blood. She wants Euron's fleet sunk, and she has just the thing to do it. Let's put those dragons to good use! But her advisors think it's too risky, and we're just as bummed as she is. We cut to a scene of the Unsullied, including our beloved Grey Worm, as they attempt to invade Casterly Rock.
Luckily Tyrion knows the ins and outs of the fortress better than anyone, which includes a secret entrance. So, while some of the soldiers are distracting (and dying) at the walls, a group can invade undetected. They take over successfully, but something isn't quite right. Grey Worm realizes there were supposed to be way more Lannister soldiers. He looks out to sea only to find that Euron's fleet is burning all of their ships.
Jaime and his army have already left Casterly Rock to take over Highgarden. It is a quick defeat, and the Queen of Thorns knows this is the end for her. "She's a disease," Olenna Tyrell says of Cersei. "I regret my role in spreading it. You will, too." Jaime has had enough of her ragging on his girlfriend/sister and wants to get on with killing Olenna. He says he managed to talk Cersei out of whatever horrible means of death she had hoped to take out on Olenna, and he presents to her a glass of wine and a vial of poison, which she chugs like a champ. We'll be sad to see this quick-witted lady go.
In her last moments, she reveals that it was her who poisoned Joffrey. "Tell Cersei. I want her to know it was me." Many people—both viewers and Thrones characters—have spent the last three seasons thinking Tyrion took out Joffrey, so this was a major revelation, and we're happy that Tyrion's name has finally been cleared. This is the second week in a row that our favorite quote was from Olenna Tyrell, so needless to say, her sharp tongue will be missed.
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And with that, we bid adieu to a beloved character and must wait another long week until the next episode. Depressing.