Has anyone seen Taylor Swift’s crown? If you have it, please fess up because the 27-year-old pop star really wants it back.
We’re not sure what this crown looks like. Is it a custom design covered in Swarovski crystals? Borrowed from the British royal family? Perhaps picked up at a local Burger King?
Whatever the case, this crown is missing and it’s crucial we help her find it. Without it, Taylor sounds very, very upset.
Swift left us #shook with the release of “Look What You Made Me Do” (#LWYMMD) for reasons we’ve exhaustedly already explained. There were snakes. Snake jewelry. She came for people, and then people came for her.
Interestingly enough, however, the first single off Reputation, we’ve now realized, offered lyrics tied to one concept the pop star is seemingly obsessed with: the monarchy.
In #LWYMMD, which by the way is a song that never fails to escape my head despite the fact that I’m not a self-proclaimed Swiftie, she hints that someone stole something extremely precious to her.
I don’t like your kingdom keys
They once belonged to me
You ask me for a place to sleep
Locked me out and threw a feast (what?)
So Taylor lost a set of keys to someone who wanted to rule the kingdom she once ruled with an iron fist and a glittery crown that’s now missing. Right? Sounds like something from Game of Thrones.
Another single off Reputation, “Gorgeous,” weakens my argument because she sings about a mystery man she’s infatuated with (it’s boyfriend Joe Alwyn, right guys?) and thinks about when she’s not with him but rather home with her cats.
"... Ready for It?" is also about her relationship with a man, though she does refer to herself as a "robber" (likely of his heart, duh) that is very good at completing a "heist." Is she planning a heist to win her crown back?
Then there’s “Call It What You Want,” her fourth single from the upcoming album, which she released at midnight Friday morning. It’s cute. It’s a love song. And as we did with #LWYMMD, we’ll be singing along to it for days.
But her crown is missing along with the keys!
In it, she sings:
My castle crumbled overnight
I brought a knife to a gunfight
They took the crown, but it’s all right
All the liars are calling me on
Nobody’s heard from me for months
I’m doing better than I ever was
Again, her crown was stolen (If you have it—seriously—please return it), and it sounds like there was a violent “gunfight” as she tried to hang onto it.
If you want more details, here they are from Swift herself:
All the drama queens taking swings
All the jokers dressing up as kings
They fade to nothing when I look at him
So she lost her now-missing crown and even though she says it’s “all right” she’s still somewhat upset. Thankfully, she met a guy who’s now the subject of these cute, catchy pop songs.
But that doesn’t detract from the fact that indeed her heavy crown is still missing and this entire album sounds like an SOS for the precious jewels.
We’re not sure what the rest of Reputation (it drops Nov. 10) will sound like, but something tells us this missing crown will continue to be at the center of her plotline.
One more time: If you have it, she’d like it back.