Netflix's most avid binge-watchers are feeling all of the feelings today, because season 4 of Orange Is the New Black dropped at midnight, and it was like nothing else mattered. When we last saw the ladies of Litchfield, they were cheerfully basking in a lake just outside of the prison grounds. But despite the air of calm, a lot of questions were left unanswered, mainly surrounding the fate of Alex Vause, who was confronted by her former employer's henchman, and what became of Piper's panty ring. Here's what we learned from the season premiere, which will hopefully jog your memory of where we left off in the story. Warning: spoilers ahead.
1. Alex Vause is alive.
In the season 3 finale, Vause was found by her former drug kingpin's hit man, Aydin, in the greenhouse. Things looked ominous, to say the least, but we were not at all surprised to find out that Piper's former flame is living and breathing, thanks in no small part to Lolly (Lori Petty) sweeping in and saving the day.
2. The prison is jam-packed.
Given that Litchfield has become a for-profit prison, there's an influx of new inmates, most notably Judy King (Blair Brown), the new character inspired by Martha Stewart. Beds are added to accommodate everyone, and Red gets stuck with the snorer of all snorers.
3. Piper is HBIC.
All that time behind bars has hardened the show's protagonist. In the season 4 premiere, rumors have quickly disseminated—especially among the newbies—that she's the new "jefa" (translation: head, as in the one running the
show panty-smuggling business).
4. Crazy Eyes and Kukudio part ways.
To be honest, we never really thought Kukudio (Emily Althaus) was Suzanne's true Dandelion, but we're always rooting for Crazy Eyes to find a companion that will listen to her erotic alien fan-fiction. Unfortunately, after an escape plan gone awry in the forest, and a brief caressing of earlobes, Suzanne calls the relationship off and sprints back to the prison for safety.
5. There's a new head guard.
His name's Desi Piscatella (with a "c"), and he's extremely burly and comes from the Maximum Security prison, along with several other COs to regulate crowd control.
6. Morello is happily married.
After finally tying the knot in season 3, Morello continues her relationship with Vince Muccio (John Magaro) with several very loud and sexually explicit phone calls.