We're wishing Chris Pratt a very happy 38th birthday! And in honor of the dashing Jurassic World star, we're celebrating with laughs—courtesy, that is, of the actor's comically genius captions on his Instagram photos. Even Pratt's bio on the photo-sharing app is hilarious: "I use my twitter for jokes mostly. But I use my Instagram for deeper more meaningful stuff like pictures mostly."
From his adventures abroad while promoting his hit movie Jurassic World to spending quality time with his family (wife Anna Faris and son Jack) at home and working out sans shirt (woohoo!), the star isn't shy about giving us a glimpse into his life. One of our favorites? The snap he shared of himself holding an unintentionally suggestive T-shirt while on a trip to Beijing, China (above), that he captioned: "I <3 BJ I do. I mean I really do. And I for one am not afraid to admit it. I love Beijing. OK?! There. I said it. I <3 BJ I feel so much better. #Beijing #China #tentemplesquare #JurassicWorldGlobalPressTour!!! #NextStopUK here we go!"
In honor of his birthday today, check out 38 times Chris Pratt had the absolute best 'gram captions below.
#WHATSMYSNACK today I got cucumber and egg wrap. It's basically exactly like a sandwich but instead of bread you use thinly sliced cucumbers and instead of meat you use sprouts and chopped up eggs and instead of flavor you get nutrition. 😔 Like I always said, eating is no longer the fun part, flexing my butt cheeks in the mirror is. Cause no dimples. No rolls. Just cut ass butt cheeks. LIVE WITH IT!!! #jurassicworld2
My big brother Cully puts me in a sleeper hold every time we see each other. Sometimes I tap. Sometimes I sleep. Those are pretty much the two options. Tap or sleep. I would elect to always tap if I could but sometimes I fall asleep too quickly. I can't get my arm up to tap in time. He's really good at the sleeper hold. He's basically the ambien of hand to hand combat with that old sleeper hold. People in UFC call it a rear naked choke but I don't use that terminology since it's my brother and the rear naked part sounds gross when dealing with a sibling. Nonetheless I will come away from this loss stronger and better than before.
Here I am vacuum packing some deer meat in the kitchen. I grew up in the woods. Not literally. I mean, we had a house. I wasn't raised by coyotes. But I spent a lot of time in the woods. Hunting, fishing and being outdoors with my friends and family is how I spent my free time as a young'n. That part of me will never change. I mean. I'm assuming. I don't know. Maybe it will. It hasn't yet. Maybe one day I'll wake up and be like, "I'm only gonna eat veggies for the rest of my life." If I do that's cool. It's a free country. Anyways. I just filled the freezer with a bunch of tasty meat from an awesome deer hunt in the great state of Texas. Oh! I should tell you: I'm going to start a diet I called "The Game Plan" where basically I only eat wild game for a year. "The Game Plan," get it? Cause GAME? I mean I'll also eat veggies and fruit and other stuff too. But for one year I want to eat only the meats that were caught or killed by me or my friends. Total free range organic wild game! The game plan. Join me. I mean I'm gonna still eat eggs and probably chicken and probably steak I mean I gotta have steak and oysters and definitely bacon. But other than that. And the occasional burger for a cheat meal. But other than that only wild game. The game plan. I should mention I will also have sushi because I have to have sushi because it's so good. And pepperoni. But that's not a meat technically, right? But other than that all wild game. And pepperchinis! (That's not how you spell that) Exclusively wild game. It will be tough. But it's worth the sacrifice. I will be eating turkey for thanksgiving. Probably fried. That's the best. And also ham. For Easter we make lamb. That's great. Ill have to have lamb that day. So... "The Game Plan" Who's with me!?
If you've ever read the poem "Footprints," which is about a guy who walks with Jesus down the beach and at one point there's only one set of footprints because Jesus flies off or pulls a trick of some kind I can't remember anyways I wrote that poem and it's actually about my wife and how when there was no footprints it's cause we took off in a helicopter. So I'm sorry for the misunderstanding. If you purchased a copy of "Footprints," and have it on your wall you owe me fifty thousand dollars PLUS INTEREST. And if you ever felt like you were alone just remember that Jesus could walk on water so technically he probably wouldn't have left footprints to begin with. BUT JESUS DOES LOVE YOU. That is for sure. And so does my wife.
These seashells are for sale. I discovered them on a remote green sand beach accessible only by aircraft. By aircraft I of course mean helicopter or jet pack or I guess by boat too. But not car. Unless the car can fly or swim. The seashells are going for $12Million. They must remain at the beach. YOU'RE BASICALLY BUYING VISITATION RIGHTS. I legally need to be very clear about that. The shells are not to be touched. You owe my fifty thousand dollars just for looking at this picture.
Here's another angle of my waterfall. I'll probably name it something like Freedom Falls or JurassicWorldStarChrisPrattFalls or Humble Warrior Falls or something bad ass like that. You owe me one hundred thousand dollars because you can see both of my waterfalls. One belongs to my son. It's called Jack Pratt Airborne Stream LLC. Officially. You have to pay taxes for seeing it. His is the same price as mine you don't get a discount just because he's just a boy. #SorryNotSorry you can just send money or a credit card number to me at "Humble Tiger Waterfall"
I had shaved for SNL and now I'm back to playing Andy on Parks and Rec so I must have my beard glued on every day. Pretty amazing. And real human hair! Which I'm reminded of every time I take a bite of food. #TastesLikeRealHair #WhosHairAmIEating? #Seriously #Gross #Showbiz #ManBeard #GodBlessAmerica #GodBlessMyFakeAndyBeard #RandomHairStuckToMyLips #Badass
I am the meat in this glorious man sandwich. #DaveBautista is the bun and @jamesgunn is the pickle (For reasons I'm not comfortable explaining here) #GOTG #AKA #GUARDIANSOfTheGalaxy #ThreeMenAndaLittleMovie #dreamer #USA #weapons #drax #beautiful #ManHug #Embrace #MachoCuddle #DudeSqueeze #BroHug #bearhug #deathClutch #Wrestle