With the exception of teeter-tottering around my apartment in a good friend's pair of Marni booties, I've never really walked in women's shoes, much less heels. So I, a male who you'll typically find in loafers, sneakers, or boots, find it extremely impressive to see fabulous women march around in inches-high stilettos as if it were innate.
That being said, I absolutely live for watching my favorite too-cool-to-care stars hit the red carpet in shoes that could easily pass for weapons. The higher the heel, the more attention I'll pay. And while I'll gladly help any girlfriend shop for a pair of shoes that'll help them feel like the hottest girl in the room, I always wonder, aren't those insanely painful?
I posed that same question when I saw Julianne Moore walk down the red carpet at the 2013 Cannes Film Festival. She looked exceptionally timeless in black and pink Dior, but those shoes? Her pinky literally stuck out like a sore, well, pinky. And I thought the same when Lady Gaga wore Alexander McQueen's now-iconic Armadillo shoes at the 2012 MTV VMAs. How didn't she fall flat on her face?
In honor of the upcoming 2017 Cannes Film Festival and all the new shoes we'll see on favorites like Nicole Kidman and Kirsten Dunst, we've rounded up 21 pairs that look like they have to have caused blisters.
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Scroll down and prepare to cringe. Ladies, I bow down.
1. Lily Aldridge, 2017 Met Gala
I struggle to find jeans that don't feel too tight around my thighs. Balenciaga shoes that strap way up high? Get it, girl.
2. Hood By Air, Spring 2017
You could hurt someone with these. And we're kind of obsessed.
3. Saint Laurent, Spring 2017
Perhaps uncomfortable, definitely fab.
4. Thom Browne, Fall 2017
Anyone capable of walking in these Thom Browne ice skate shoes deserves an award.
5. Lady Gaga, 2016 Met Gala
Do your ankles hurt looking at these towering platform boots? Gaga walked up the stairs of the Met as if they felt like sneakers.
6. Kendall Jenner, Marc Jacobs Fall 2016
One mistep in these platform boots and kaput.
7. Balenciaga, Fall 2016
These are known as the "Broken" Balenciaga heel. Broken?! Why would you wear a broken shoe? Chic, but ouch.
8. Rihanna, 2016
Maybe these Manolo Blahnik chaps pants aren't exactly painful, but riding around in these all day? That takes skill.
9. Jennifer Lopez, 2016
Dancing in them? No problem for J.Lo, who did just that in her 2016 "Ain't Your Mama" video.
10. Kim Kardashian, 2016
Not necessarily painful, but one thing comes to mind when we see these Yeezy Season 4 thigh-high boots: sweaty feet. Nonetheless, Kim looks fab.
11. Julia Roberts, 2015
Julia Roberts's feet hurt so much she chose to take her shoes off at Cannes. Just kidding. She actually went barefoot to make a statement against strict rules that asked women to wear heels at the festival. Empowering. And also, hilarious.
12. Daphne Guinness, 2015
Heels with no heel? Recipe for disaster. Luckily, Daphne Guinness always pulls it off.
13. Kendall Jenner, Marc Jacobs Spring 2017
Marc Jacobs strikes again.
14. Emma Thompson, 2014 Golden Globes
When your Christian Louboutin babies hurt THAT much, say goodbye.
15. Julianne Moore, 2013 Cannes Film Festival
We're calling this one pinkygate.
16. Helen Mirren, 2013 Premiere of Red 2
17. Lady Gaga, 2010 MTV VMAs
If the late Alexander McQueen offered up these Armadillo shoes, would you say no? I'd surely jump right at the opportunity, which is exactly what Gaga did on the red carpet at the 2010 MTV VMAs. She killed it, but girl, did you need a massage after?
19. Model Kim Noorda, Nina Ricci Fall 2009
Sorry, but this collection delivered some seriously ouch-worthy pairs.
20. Sarah Marshall, 2009 Cannes Film Festival
How did these Sergio Rossi heels not break? Devying gravity, people.
21. Naomi Campbell, Vivienne Westwood Fall 1993
Naomi famously took a tumble while walking the runway in these crazy platforms. Can you blame her?