I Followed Patrick Bateman's Psychotic Skincare Routine For a Week

I Followed Patrick Bateman's Psychotic Skincare Routine For a Week
Lions Gate Films

I'm not completely sure what this says about me, but American Psycho is probably one of my top 10 favorite movies of all time, behind the eclectic mix that is The Craft, Jawbreaker, Josie and the Pussycats, and Romy and Michele's High School Reunion. Seriously, does it get any better than Christian Bale as an '80s-era psychopathic banker who just loses it over Jared Leto's business cards? Even in his role as Batman, I'd always associate Bale with Patrick Bateman, psychologically analyzing how the jump from murdery investment banker to superhero happened in the plotline running through my head. The movie is just so freakin' quotable, and I like to imagine that Reese Witherspoon's character dodged a serious bullet (figuratively but also probably an actual bullet) after she and Bateman called it quits, ultimately joining Nicole Kidman and Shailene Woodley in Monterey's elite group of Big Little Liars.

I digress.

If you've seen the movie, you'll know that the plotline consists of business meetings, well-fitted suits, an axe to Jared Leto's face, and monologues upon monologues. It's how his insane internal thought process from the Bret Easton Ellis original text comes to life on-screen, and Bateman has some serious thoughts about skincare. You say textbook narcisissm, I say cool new beauty routine to try for a week. Semantics, am I right ladies?

Lions Gate Films

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That scene where Bale slowly peels his face mask off will forever be etched into my memory.

I always wondered how long it would take to go through these motions every day before work, and the impact it would have on my skin. After all, Bateman had a pretty great complexion, but I suppose a lot of that could be chalked up to movie magic. Realistically, I knew it would probably take me close to an hour, so for a week, I set my alarm earlier, and with the appropriate products, I practiced Patrick Bateman's morning routine—except of course for the whole murder part. Is it one I'd continue following? Probably not in full, since I can't imagine having the time to do a mask every day, though I am finally using eye cream, so there was some change for the better in all of this.

Return your videotapes, crank up your Phil Collins or Huey Lewis and the News cassettes, and keep reading to see how I recreated Patrick Bateman's intense skincare routine.

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